IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but other think having a range of subject is better for a children's future. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion

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It is argued that some people think that school should teach
students
Use synonyms
 important
skills
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 opine that having
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
subjects
Use synonyms
 is better for children's future. I will discuss
bothe
Correct your spelling
both
 the ideas and I will give my opinion in the conclusion. To commence with, Lack of moral values and emotional bonding in the
realtionships
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relationships
relationship
 is the pressing issue, why people think that children should have another
skills
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oprotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 in the
schools
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. Nowadays,
childrens
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children
show examples
 are
influlenced
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influenced
 more by technical gadgets
such
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 as mobile phones and
videos
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video
show examples
 games.
As a result
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 of
this
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, Moral ethics are
disappering
Correct your spelling
disappearing
 from new generations. So, it would be more beneficial if children learn these values from school
in
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at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
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 early age and be a good
suppoter
Correct your spelling
supporter
 for their family in future. Moving
further
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 to another point, why
people
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do people
show examples
 think that
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
skills
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 are more important
such
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 as Mathematics, general knowledge, reasoning, science etc
.
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?
show examples
 For cognitive development
schools
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 should have more variety
for
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of
show examples
subjects
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 in
this
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 way
students
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 would have more
optoins
Correct your spelling
options
 to choose their
carrer
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career
carrier
.
For example
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, to be a doctor
students
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 have to learn lots of
subjects
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,
this
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 can be only possible if
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 offer them
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 variety of
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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,
schools
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 should provide extra
subjects
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 with extra classes for
students
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 to broaden their
carrer
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careers
.
To sum up
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, I think
schools
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 should be
best
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the best
show examples
 place for
students
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 to all
skills
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 by which they can be
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
person
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people
show examples
 in their life
persnally
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personally
 and
professionaly
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professionally
professional
.

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language
Ensure to check spelling and grammar, as there are multiple errors and typos that detract from the clarity of your message. For example, 'bothe' should be 'both', 'influlenced' should be 'influenced', 'oprotunity' should be 'opportunity', and 'disappering' should be 'disappearing'.
structure
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating both views before presenting your opinion. This will create a clearer roadmap for your reader.
content
Make sure you provide a more balanced perspective when discussing both views; the argument for broader subjects is mentioned, but the argument for teaching skills lacks depth. Expanding on this could improve your score.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both views, which is crucial for a good score in task achievement.
content
You offer some relevant examples, such as the need for various subjects for becoming a doctor. This adds strength to your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Equipping
  • Financial literacy
  • Well-rounded individual
  • Critical thinking
  • Passion
  • Adult responsibilities
  • Life skills
  • Academic knowledge
  • 21st-century skills
  • Adaptability
  • Diverse curriculum
  • Job market
  • Employment
  • Cultural literacy
  • Empathy
  • Citizenship
What to do next:
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