IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is no doubt that globalization has benefited the world by bringing together people, business, nation. People who criticize it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Globalization connected the world in many ways, which benefited everyone from
persons
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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 to
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countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
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, even though
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 are looking
it
Change preposition
at it
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 negatively and criticizing it, does not vanish its benefits, and they are just in between the path of growth. I largely agree with
this
Linking Words
. The globalized world made
so
Correct pronoun usage
it so
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much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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easy for
people
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, small businesses,
country
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 to earn and improve themselves, nowadays
people
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 are more connected with foreign
countries
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 from whom they are getting new technologies and are improving their
area
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. With
this
Linking Words
,
people
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 are getting more job opportunities and earning better today, which even leads to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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 their standard of living.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
with
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apply
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more investments by rich
countries
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 into the developing
area
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,
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 that region to develop easily.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it leads to growth in many developing
areas
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
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is
Verb problem
apply
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also
Linking Words
benefited
Wrong verb form
benefits
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with
Change preposition
from
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this
Linking Words
 as having more investment from foreign
people
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,
more
Correct word choice
and more
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 earning hands in the
country
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, the government earns in terms of taxes, which increases their funds that can be used to improve the infrastructure of the developing
country
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 and if every
area
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 will start growing,
then
Linking Words
 there will be equality among all and there will be no discrimination related to wealth because every
country
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 compares or dominates in respect of wealth only, so if every
area
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 starts to grow,
then
Linking Words
 inequality will
be vanished
Change to the active voice
vanish
have vanished
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. Globalization,
however
Linking Words
, made it easier for dominating
countries
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 to enter into underdeveloped
areas
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, which leads to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a negative impact on the particular
culture
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 of that
area
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.
People
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 are adapting to the modern
culture
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 and
belief
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beliefs
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 because of the multinational companies which entered
in
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apply
show examples
these
areas
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. The companies originate from wealthy
countries
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 that
tries
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try
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 to earn a lot from these
areas
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 and put traps for
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
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people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 engage
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the modern
culture
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,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 cultures are disappearing. In conclusion, any developing or underdeveloped
country
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 cannot grow without the help of wealthy
countries
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 and
with less
Correct word choice
fewer
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restriction
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restrictions
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 entry
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 these
countries
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 to prosper,
although
Linking Words
 some things like
culture
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 will be banished,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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practically they will be
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the path of prosperity.

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task response
Your introduction presents a clear viewpoint, but consider refining your thesis statement to outline the benefits more explicitly. This can help guide your argument.
task response
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points, including specific countries or technologies as references. This enhances your argument's clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are quite long and may lead to confusion. Aim for shorter, clearer sentences. This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and develops it thoroughly. This will enhance the overall logical structure.
content
Your essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic of globalization and presents a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The use of transitional phrases helps to connect ideas, which is a strong aspect of your coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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