IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, it is crucial to render
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
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 proportion of time and energy to a child to help
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 their
overall
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 growth. The notion that teaching skills in a practical and enjoyable way
avail
Verb problem
allows
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 children to be more
crteative
Correct your spelling
creative
 and diligent compared to making it
theoritical
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theoretical
theoretically
 is a viewpoint held by many. I agree with
this
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 conviction as
entertaining
Add an article
an entertaining
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form
Use synonyms
 of learning not only
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 their creativity but
also
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render
Correct subject-verb agreement
renders
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 them more interesting traits of educational material.
However
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,
aquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
 reading and literature proficiency is as significant to
attain
Wrong verb form
attaining
show examples
overall
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 qualifications in today,
s
Correct your spelling
's
 education system. To commence with, there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 believing that outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 which
involves
Change the verb form
involve
show examples
 creativity and performance
is
Change the verb form
are
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 better than reading from a book.
Firstly
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,
juvelines
Correct your spelling
juveniles
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to show interest in
such
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 things because of their certain age and mindset. Teenagers or children in small grades are not fond of reading and memorizing
thus
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,they tend to
induldge
Correct your spelling
indulge
 themselves in rote learning
due to
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 high pressure from tutors which eventually create
hindrance
Fix the agreement mistake
hindrances
show examples
 to their
overall
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 growth.
Secondly
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, doing entertaining
activities
Use synonyms
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 showing practical
Use synonyms
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
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 in labs, testing and recognising
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of plants outside,
running
Correct word choice
and running
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 and jumping to render pulse and heart rate can easily describe
theoritical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 data in a
form
Use synonyms
 of more
creativeness
Replace the word
creativity
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 and
hence
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,will encourage children to
reiterete
Correct your spelling
reiterate
such
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activities
Use synonyms
 in future even they have missed something and have some doubts to clear.
However
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, it is
also
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 vital to learn skills
realted
Correct your spelling
related
 to reading and literature because
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are enormous components of studies where understanding of words and vocabulary is necessary which can only be attained through
raeding
Correct your spelling
reading
raiding
.
For instance
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, novels and biographies can only be clarified if a child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
the
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proficiences
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proficiencies
proficiency
 to
comprehence
Correct your spelling
comprehend
 the words and
alphabets
Fix the agreement mistake
alphabet
show examples
.
Moreover
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, Reading books in school will build their base for future
developement
Correct your spelling
development
 which ultimately
avail
Verb problem
enable
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 them
pass
Fix the infinitive
to pass
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such
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 exams and tests which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
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 fast reading and understanding. I opine that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 a balance between both reading and practical things is necessary because it is
prominent
Correct word choice
important
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 to attain the skills of basic vocabulary and words with the mixture of some creativity
by
Change preposition
through
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 outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 to reach at full potential.
To conclude
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, it is crystal clear
Use synonyms
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 the testimonials above that both the achievements
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 necessary and should be rendered by tutors so that nobody conquer the problems of understanding languages in their life and
regretting of
Wrong verb form
regret
show examples
 not having fun in school times.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction more explicitly. While you mention agreement with the notion, clearly state that you believe in the balance of both methods.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph supports your main argument effectively. Consider using more linking words to enhance transitions.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, provide concrete instances of how outdoor activities have fostered creativity in children.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise sentence structures and clarify any ambiguous phrases for better readability. This could enhance comprehension of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a good introduction that sets the stage for your arguments, which is helpful for engaging the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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