IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

If financially possible, is it always better for young people to leave home and be independent at the age of 18, do you agree or disagree?

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Young
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
18
Change preposition
of 18
show examples
 are beneficial to leave home and become
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
 if they
own
Verb problem
have
show examples
 good economic conditions.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it is always true, I firmly believe that there is a negative impact on their personal development. On the one hand, both personal
techinques
Correct your spelling
techniques
 are improved by independent stay. Young
people
Use synonyms
 sometimes face challenges which they never
meet
Wrong verb form
met
show examples
 before.
For example
Linking Words
, most teenagers with well
financially
Change the word
financial
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
approach
adults'
Change noun form
adults
show examples
society
Change preposition
in society
show examples
 and
simluate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 their successful actions.
Undoubtly
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experience
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 dealing
troubles
Change preposition
with troubles
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 who are 18 foster their growth after they leave home and live alone.
Conversly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 without
controling
Correct your spelling
control
 by parents are
possible
Replace the word
possibly
show examples
 to cause demerits.
For example
Linking Words
, teenagers
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
18 years old are easily addicted
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 video games. They spend quality time and money on the game, and
this
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to failure in their future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they
possible
Change the word
possibly
show examples
 pursue that illegal crime to get money. In conclusion, little young
people
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 likely to
kids
Add a missing verb
be kids
show examples
. All in all,
it is clear that
Linking Words
individuals
Use synonyms
with age
Change preposition
aged
show examples
 18 have
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
to live
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 alone and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
 when they have money. I
Add a missing verb
am convince
show examples
convince
Replace the word
convinced
show examples
 that some
individuals
Use synonyms
 without control lead to terrible consequences.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion, but it could be strengthened by providing a more balanced view of the benefits and drawbacks of independence at 18. Consider looking for ways to present your main ideas more clearly and linking them back to your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs each focus on one main idea and expand on it. The transition from one thought to another should be smoother. For example, using linking words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'on the other hand' can enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your examples should be more detailed to enhance clarity and relevance. Consider providing specific scenarios or statistical data to support your arguments, as this will add weight to your claims.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammar and spelling issues as they detract from the overall impression of your essay. For instance, 'independence' should be used instead of 'independence', and 'convince' should be 'convinced'. Proofreading your work can help eliminate such errors.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is a good foundation for a strong argument.
task achievement
You began with a clear thesis statement, making it evident what your position is regarding the topic.
task achievement
You made an attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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