IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more citizens relying on private cars as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over the course of the
last
Linking Words
 decades, the world has seen a sharp rise in the number of private
cars
Use synonyms
 on roads. Obviously,
this
Linking Words
 trend creates a wide range of problems for both the environment and the inhabitants.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some practical measures, like providing quality amenities and a well-rounded education,should be taken
in addressing
Change preposition
to address
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Although
Linking Words
cars
Use synonyms
 have invaluable benefits,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 heavy reliance on private vehicles
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 brought about drastic
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 greenhouse gases that emit from
Use synonyms
cars
Change the noun form
car
show examples
 exhausts, air pollution soars which
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 many other creatures on the edge of extinction.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Hills University discovered that more than 58% of
indigenous
Capitalize word
Indigenous
show examples
 animals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 have
move
Change the verb form
moved
show examples
 to
mountains
Correct article usage
the mountains
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after London was expanded in 2005.
Secondly
Linking Words
, despite the soaring number of vehicles, towns lack the infrastructure to
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 all these
cars
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, commuters waste a lot of time in heavy traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
show examples
. In order to mitigate the side effects of over-utilization of machines, the joint effort of nearly all the members of society is essential. Governments play a crucial role in controlling traffic jams and improving
city's
Correct article usage
the city's
show examples
 state. The most effective solution is improving public
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transport
 so as to encourage residents to use buses and trains, rather than driving around circles in rush hours.
Moreover
Linking Words
, raising public awareness about the negative impacts of
this
Linking Words
 trend by
helding
Correct your spelling
holding
helping
 campaigns and conferences for the local population, can lead to a reduction in dependency on
cars
Use synonyms
. In summary,
while
Linking Words
 private vehicles offer numerous merits, their negative effects on human life and nature cannot be denied.
Consequently
Linking Words
, not only should governments enhance basic amenities, but
also
Linking Words
 should provide more education for the locals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and statistics to support your main points. This will enhance the clarity and strength of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check agreement in your sentences, for example, 'heavy reliance on private vehicles have' should be 'heavily reliant on private vehicles has'. This includes checking for singular vs. plural forms.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve transitions between paragraphs for smoother reading. Words like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could help to connect ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to proofread for minor spelling errors, such as 'accommodate' instead of 'accomodate' and 'transportation' instead of 'transportaion'. Such errors can detract from the overall impression of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively introduce potential solutions to the problems identified, which shows good task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overreliance
  • environmental pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • traffic congestion
  • commuters
  • urban sprawl
  • public health issues
  • obesity
  • respiratory ailments
  • resource depletion
  • fossil fuels
  • environmental degradation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: