IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It has been universally known that public transportation is one of the main issues for governments to focus on.
While
Linking Words
 Some people argue that public grants should be spent on constructing new
fast line
Add a hyphen
fast-line
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 railways for trains between cities, others believe funding for
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
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 of existing public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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. I believe
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 view would benefit the citizens to a larger extent. On the one side,
according to
Linking Words
 some people especially the elderly population, keeping the older system at any cost is better
and
Correct word choice
than
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 fixing old devices in the key. The deep reason is anything familiar to them brings them a sentimental feeling.
For instance
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, a nursery home in Niece, which was planning a
3 day
Add a hyphen
3-day
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 excursion from France to London for a group of disabled elderly members, was obliged to book bus
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
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instead
Linking Words
 of fast train
tickets
Use synonyms
. Despite the disability condition of members and the trains providing faster and
convenient
Correct quantifier usage
more convenient
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 services, they all relied on the old bus system and
buying
Wrong verb form
bought
show examples
tickets
Use synonyms
 on paper because they were used to it. On the flip side, technological vehicles have almost a set age to work.
Therefore
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, after a certain number of
years
Add a comma
years,
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 the cost of the maintenance and accident risks outweighs the benefits of running them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with the rise of technology, some options
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 buying
tickets
Use synonyms
 online, checking the departure and arrival time, convenience and security with the
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
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 around the stations
makes
Change the verb form
make
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 the fast train lines a more user-friendly and popular choice. A survey conducted online
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 showed that 90% of the population in
europe
Change the capitalization
Europe
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 agreed on funding newer railway lines and everyone was eager and inclined to pay higher
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 for
tickets
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 to higher tax revenues in order to launch the mentioned lines earlier. In conclusion, the support of the elderly population to spend a large amount of money on current public transportation is understandable because of their over-reliance on older things.
However
Linking Words
, the majority in the society including me believe that new fast-line railways must be funded to provide
a new and higher quality trains
Correct the article-noun agreement
new and higher quality trains
a new and higher quality train
show examples
 between cities.

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task achievement
The introduction does not clearly state the two opposing views in a balanced manner. It would be beneficial to summarize each viewpoint more clearly before stating your own opinion. Also, consider adding a clear thesis statement that outlines what will be discussed.
coherence and cohesion
Development of ideas in the paragraphs could be made clearer. While you provide some examples, ensure they directly support the main point of the paragraph. Try to maintain a focus on the task throughout each paragraph, linking back to the main argument regularly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more varied and complex sentence structures, which can enhance the flow and make your writing more engaging. Furthermore, check for minor grammatical errors and ensure that subject-verb agreement is maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion in the conclusion and provide reasons supporting it, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your essay shows an attempt to argue both sides, which is commendable and reflects a balanced approach to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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