IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people think that consumerism has led to significant environmental issues, while others believe that it fosters innovation and economic growth. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There has been ongoing debate about the impact of consumerism. Some individuals believe that there are numerous environmental problems associated with
this
Linking Words
 trend, the rest,
nevertheless
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, claim that it
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innovation and economic
development
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint that agrees with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 point. On the one hand, the high demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
products
Use synonyms
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to overproduction, which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
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. Many factories have to produce more, which means releasing more harmful emissions, and polluted water.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a high demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 plastic to package
products
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 creates a significant threat of waste.
Conversely
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, I would side with those who believe that consumerism helps to boost the
development
Use synonyms
 of the economy and creation. The
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 is the key factor
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 a strong economy
due to
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 the revenue and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
production.
For example
Linking Words
, many industries,
such
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 as fashion and electronics, thrive because people constantly buy new
products
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when companies compete to attract customers, they invest in research and
development
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 competition leads to better
products
Use synonyms
, improved technology, and more efficient services. When companies compete to attract customers, they invest in research and
development
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, smartphones and electric cars have advanced rapidly
due to
Linking Words
 consumer demand. In conclusion, both opinions hold merit. The increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 buying by people may
leading
Change the verb form
lead
be leading
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the environment.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree it is vital to boost the economy and innovation.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main topic and directly addresses the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a clear understanding of both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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