IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional
food
Use synonyms
 is more environmentally and economically
eating
Wrong verb form
eaten
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my
Correct your spelling
by
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 many people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 were shipped from far away.
However
Linking Words
, it has
also
Linking Words
 some demerits. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is a positive development. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will justify my opinion with the reason. To commence with, consuming traditional
food
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 numerous benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, It supports the local economy of the region
as well as
Linking Words
 the country. If the demand for local produce is higher, it will make our
farmers
Use synonyms
 more income, and extra produce exported to other countries.
Secondly
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, local
food
Use synonyms
 is fresh and healthy, full of nutrients.
For example
Linking Words
- Many
farmers
Use synonyms
 sell their produce directly
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
farmers
Change noun form
farmer's
farmers'
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 market, where one can buy fresh harvested vegetables and fruits.
Moreover
Linking Words
, an increase in local produce edibles can bring
decline
Add an article
a decline
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 in the demand for imported goods, which can contribute to a lower carbon footprint. Moving ahead, the
demerits
Fix the agreement mistake
demerit
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 of local
food
Use synonyms
 is that
farmers
Use synonyms
 have to do lots of
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
for growing
Change preposition
to grow
show examples
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 climate variations variety of foods are not able to grow in the soil, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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different types of fertilizers are used by
farmers
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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makes the
food
Use synonyms
 unhealthy.
Secondly
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, in
this
Linking Words
 modern
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people moving to the countryside for
searching
Verb problem
apply
show examples
jobs in multinational companies which affects the agricultural industry to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lower their employees annually. In conclusion, I reiterate that we have to enhance the consumption of local foods in our country because it is healthy, convenient and efficient for use. The government should make some policies and subsidies on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional foods so, that poor people can
also
Linking Words
 use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.

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task achievement
Refine your introduction to clearly state your position regarding the local food movement. Instead of stating it as a positive development without context, briefly outline why you believe this or how it can be viewed positively.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by using more coherent transitions between paragraphs. For example, clarify how each point relates back to your main argument. This could help guide the reader through your thought process.
task achievement
Broaden your exploration of the disadvantages. Currently, the disadvantages feel slightly underdeveloped and lack specific examples to support your claims about the challenges faced by farmers.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as farmers selling directly at markets, which effectively supports your argument for local food.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs, which helps to organize your thoughts and makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon emissions
  • transportation
  • environmentally friendly
  • economically beneficial
  • local farmers
  • local economy
  • fresher
  • nutritious
  • food security
  • imports
  • preserving
  • traditional farming practices
  • biodiversity
  • limited variety
  • availability
  • cost
  • contributor
What to do next:
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