The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the cirriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

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In the modern era, the education system has undergone a major shift by

involvement

Add an article

the involvement

show examples

of those subjects that

are not mention

Change the verb form

are not mentioned

show examples

school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

syllabus. There is a belief among school principals and the authorities those topics

such

Linking Words

art

Use synonyms

music

Use synonyms

and

such

Linking Words

like should be omitted from

students

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plan

Fix the agreement mistake

plans

show examples

. Personally, I wholeheartedly disagree

Change preposition

with

show examples

this

Linking Words

statement that all the class

activies

Correct your spelling

activities

should be restricted to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

science subjects. The following paragraphs

discussed

Wrong verb form

discuss

show examples

this

Linking Words

controvertial

Correct your spelling

controversial

issue and more reasons will be given.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

are as essential as the other subjects in your schools are even in higher education. These two topics should be taken into account properly and on a regular basis as they have a paramount importance in developing personalities and critical thinking.

Due to

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the fact that by engaging with

art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

we may find our aesthetic aspect , and relieve the stress from the modern world, it has a profound impact on our behaviour that shapes our characteristics. To illustrate, when a person studies in

Use synonyms

art

Correct article usage

an art

show examples

course he will find out new sides and aspects about himself which can

definately

Correct your spelling

definitely

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

her attitude,

additionally

Linking Words

on the way of his behaviour in society.

Therefore

Linking Words

instead

Linking Words

of only focusing on modern classes,

art

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and

music

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lessons should

also

Linking Words

considered valuable , and should not be

ommited

Correct your spelling

omitted

from the lesson plan and syllabus design given by the related organization.

In addition

Linking Words

to the items told in

Change the article

the previous

show examples

paragraph, the other significant benefit of learning

art

Use synonyms

and

music

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is that they have the potential to increase the level of creativity in individuals. By putting effort into creating new paintings or new musical compositions pupils are able to evaluate their own creativity ,which is vitally important for their

further

Linking Words

education.

For instance

Linking Words

, making sculptures has had

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

paramount effects on each and every person ,

such

Linking Words

as making them more creative, especially when they were growing up.

Likewise

Linking Words

, every school should encourage

students

Use synonyms

to make their own paintings or lyrics.

To conclude

Linking Words

, There is

widely

Correct article usage

a widely

show examples

held view

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

among the majority of parents that

students

Use synonyms

should make a resolution to achieve their purposes academically. Mind you, having said that, the majority of people believe that

students

Use synonyms

should only focus on their own lessons

such

Linking Words

as science, technology, history, and so on rather than modern classes. I wholeheartedly subscribe

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

idea that both

art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

have numerous benefits for children.

Hence

Linking Words

, enhancing personality through

art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

is a considerable fact that should not denied. More importantly, boosting creativity by engaging with

art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

is vital for

students

Use synonyms

' future.

yektaghandi.78Fri Feb 28 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Ensure each paragraph clearly addresses a single idea and is logically connected to the overall argument.

task achievement

Focus on developing and supporting your main points with clear examples and explanations.

language

Revise for grammatical accuracy and clarity to improve the overall readability of your essay.

language

Work on varying your vocabulary and sentence structure to enhance interest and engagement for the reader.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance against the idea of cutting art and music from the curriculum.

task achievement

Strong argument regarding the importance of art and music in developing creativity and personality.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

434 words

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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the cirriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

Word Count

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for e.g. working for a charity improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?