IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns?

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People
Use synonyms
 living in large
cities
Use synonyms
 are faced with many
problems
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 these days. These
problems
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 require citizens to be able to effectively cope with higher stress compared with
people
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 who reside in smaller towns.
However
Linking Words
, encouraging more
people
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 to live in suburban areas or small
cities
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 will not be a significant solution. In my opinion, the typical challenges of living in large
cities
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 are the high living
cost
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costs
show examples
 and the low
air
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 quality. Big corporations are mainly headquartered in large
cities
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 resulting in a higher number of job opportunities
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 available with higher salaries compared with the smaller
cities
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. In my country, Jakarta
for instance
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, is where corporates and big businesses are located
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, which
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
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people
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 from rural areas with the expectation to improve their quality of
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
life
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the limited availability of
lands
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land
show examples
 contributes to the increase in rent price, in a way that makes the ratio of rent price and household income inappropriate.
Although
Linking Words
 it does not always happen in big
cities
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, a dense population
also
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 drives a massive use of
transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 vehicles which leads to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
more pollution being released
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
air
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. As long as there are
imbalance
Fix the agreement mistake
imbalances
show examples
 and inequality in the development of
cities
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 in one country, encouraging
people
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 to live in smaller towns will not be an effective solution.
Correct article usage
The Govenment
show examples
Govenment
Correct your spelling
Government
 should ensure that the infrastructure in small
cities
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 adequate so that it can be attractive for individuals and
also
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 businesses.
In addition
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, authorities
also
Linking Words
 need to provide enough schools or any educational institutions in order to make on city sustainable.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, big
cities
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 need to be equipped with sufficient public transport and public recreational spaces so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can reduce
air
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 pollution, and the latter can help improve the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of the
overall
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 citizens. In conclusion, the high cost of living and the low
air
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 quality in large
cities
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 are the main
problems
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 that hinder
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
to live
Change preposition
from living
show examples
 a good life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, balancing the development of facilities and infrastructures in suburban areas and
cities
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accross
Correct your spelling
across
 the nation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 crucial to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 these arising
problems
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.

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task achievement
While you present good ideas, try to elaborate on them further to provide more depth and coherence, especially in your supporting points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your sentences transition smoothly from one to another, enhancing the flow of ideas within the paragraphs.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction that outlines the problems in large cities and introduces your opinion.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant examples and demonstrates an understanding of the issues related to living in large cities.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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