IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and the people around them?

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is less
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
show examples
 of it. In
this
Linking Words
 century, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 have
night
Use synonyms
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
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 to develop their skills or abilities with those new technologies.
However
Linking Words
,
anyone
Correct your spelling
no one
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 told us what kind of causes and consequences we have lately. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
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 we have many reasons,
however
Linking Words
, the main reasons are late-
night
Use synonyms
 studying,busy lifestyle, work pressure,caffeine and unhealthy habits like eating fast food at
night
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. Nowadays, most
of
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apply
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students study at
night
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 and
therefore
Linking Words
, they have bad bedtime
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
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.
Also
Linking Words
, they eat different kinds of fast food at
night
Use synonyms
 or drink coffee. Absolutely, they sleep less than they used to in the past. Let’s say the
effects
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 of it. Individual
effects
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 are stress, mental health issues and unproductive work. Because, when
people
Use synonyms
 sleep less they will feel tired and dozy all day.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they work less than usual and after some
week
Fix the agreement mistake
weeks
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 or
Fix the agreement mistake
months
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month
Add a comma
month,
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 their mental health will be much worse than before. Another problem that follows is that it can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
effects
Correct your spelling
affect
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on
Change preposition
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 around them. It means that
people
Use synonyms
 who sleep less than they used to may be
rudeness
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rude
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 and they might be able to communicate less than they used to before.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they might be
emotional
Change the word
emotionally
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 instability. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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would be anxiety or moody. Unfortunately, day by day
people
Use synonyms
 tend to
this
Linking Words
 type of behaviour. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
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apply
show examples
, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that sleeping is
most
Add an article
a most
the most
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 crucial thing in our life and we should
be sleep
Change the verb form
sleep
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 enough if we want to be healthier mentally and without
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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stress.

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task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating the main issue and outlining your key points. This will give the reader a clearer expectation of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional phrases to improve the flow between your ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, include data on sleep deprivation or studies that discuss its effects.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure careful proofreading to catch minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as they can impact readability and clarity.
task achievement
You have identified relevant reasons and consequences of sleep deprivation, which shows good insight into the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the importance of sleep, emphasizing its relevance to overall health.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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