IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have negative impacts on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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A number of
people
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 argue that social
media
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 platforms influence
adolescents
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 in a negative way,
while
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 others believe that it is advantageous to have these sites at a young age.
Although
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 using social
media
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 can lead to health
problems
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 and stop the young person from making new
friends
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, I strongly believe that with the help of these
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media
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media,
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 individuals can find more
friends
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 who share their interests. On the one hand, young
people
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 who are always on their phones chatting with peers or just scrolling Instagram reels
,
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apply
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 can have serious health
problems
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such
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 as headaches or deteriorated vision.1
Moreover
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, teenagers who are always online are seen to have
problems
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 with real-life communication. Often these
adolescents
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 are scared of making a first step and getting acquainted with other peers at school or in parks.2 In social
media
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, individuals can be fake
people
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 and lie about their lives.
For instance
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, many
people
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 try to look wealthy
while
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 being poor.
However
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, in real
life
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life,
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 young
people
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 need to be honest with their
friends
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 to gain their trust.
Thus
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, some boys and girls find it difficult to tell the truth about themselves
due to
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 lack of money or hobbies,
for example
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. The young just think that they are not interesting enough for others.3
On the other hand
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, it is common practice to find new
friends
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 with the same interests in social
media
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. Almost everybody has one or more platforms. There are a lot of communities on these social sites. If teenagers want to make new
friends
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 who enjoy the same things, they can search
them
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for them
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 in various groups.
For example
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, many boys and girls have online
friends
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 which they have found
in
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on
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 TikTok or Instagram just commenting on videos that they liked. Usually,
this
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 friendship develops with time and these
adolescents
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 can call each other best
friends
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.4
To conclude
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,
although
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 having social
media
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 at a young age can lead to serious health
problems
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 and tend
adolescents
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 to be scared of making new
friends
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, I believe that social
media
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 sites are beneficial places to find peers who share their hobbies and like the same things.5

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Task Achievement
Clarify and expand on your points to strengthen the overall argument. For example, when discussing health issues, you could provide statistics or specific studies to illustrate the impact of social media.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links back to your main argument. Adding linking phrases can enhance the logical flow between ideas and reinforce connections.
Task Achievement
Your introduction presents both views clearly and indicates your own opinion effectively, setting a good foundation for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use of varied vocabulary and sentence structures contributes to engaging writing.
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