With growing population in the cities, more and more people live in hones with little and no outdoors spacr. Do you think this is a position or negative development?

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Nowadays, people start living in
hones
Correct your spelling
homes
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without any outdoor area
due to
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increasing in livelihood.
According to
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me, it has both positive and negative development as it impacts many things in day-to-day life. In
this
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busy life and rising technology, today’s kids are not doing outdoor activities; and on top of
that
Add a comma
that,
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if houses do not have outdoor
space
Use synonyms
, they stop doing physical hobbies and switch to tech which will not be good for anyone.
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Whereas parents
Correct word choice
Parents
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are
also
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too
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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busy
in
Change preposition
with
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the
Change the word
their
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jobs or financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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; they just
let
Verb problem
leave
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their children
in
Change preposition
at
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home
Add an article
the home
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. And here all the questions will arrive,
then
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how our next generation will learn sports? Or how society will keep
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then
Correct your spelling
them
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physical
Change the word
physically
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fit?
Do will
Unnecessary verb
Will
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get fresh air? Because we don’t have outdoor
space
Use synonyms
so
Correct word choice
apply
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no more trees and plants. On
positive
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a positive
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note, we can count that
less tree
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fewer trees
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will
cut
Add a missing verb
be cut
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, if
Add an article
a person
the person
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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do
Change the verb form
does
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not have extra
space
Use synonyms
, they will use public transport
instead
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of buying cars as much as
family
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a family
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member
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members
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. Eventually, less
car
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cars
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less pollution and healthy nature. It is necessary to maintain our bank balance with our health life.
For example
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, if we do not have any outdoor
space
Use synonyms
and our child is always on mobile
then
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it is our responsibility to take them
nearby
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to nearby
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parks or other entertainment
location
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locations
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like sports, games or
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
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may be
Verb problem
apply
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. In conclusion, everything has props and corns, I will always up
public
Correct article usage
the public
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how they are balancing the situation with wealth and health at
same
Add an article
the same
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time. So, living in hones without additional zone is offset but living with evolving is great.

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structure
Consider improving your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss. This helps set the context for your essay.
language
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly and engagingly.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and is clearly linked to the next for better flow and coherence.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both positive and negative aspects of the issue.
examples
You provided examples of how to engage children with outdoor activities, which demonstrates awareness of practical solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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