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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The map below show the centre of small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development

The map below show the centre of small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development
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The maps show the current layout of Islp's interesting and compare it with a suggested plan for its improvement. By and large, obviously, there will be a dramatic expansion in the size of the whole town
centre
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to an increase in the number of essential amenities requested by the local residents. In terms of the current design, generally, there is a main
road
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 stretched
a long
Correct your spelling
along
show examples
 the whole
centre
Use synonyms
, from east to west.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are shops along both sides of the main
road
Use synonyms
. To the north , there is
there is
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countryside,
whereas
Linking Words
, to the
south
Add a comma
south,
show examples
 there are a number
accommodation
Change preposition
of accommodation
show examples
 facilities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, two short roads are branched , one from the east side
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 in a park, and another longer one from the west ending
I
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 a school.
However
Linking Words
, in the developmental plan, the main
road
Use synonyms
 and its branches will be upgraded into a central pedestrian
road
Use synonyms
 and a
dual sided
Add a hyphen
dual-sided
show examples
 round street, that will circle around the total town
centre
Use synonyms
. A bus station, a shopping
centre
Use synonyms
, a car park and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
new housing will be added to the north.
While
Linking Words
 to the south,
in addition
Linking Words
 to the old shops, a new housing project will be added.
Finally
Linking Words
,
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 old school will be enlarged and the
ol
Correct your spelling
old
 park is going to be smaller.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words centre, road with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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