IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are some organizations which are experimenting with new ways of working
such
Linking Words
 as shortening the weekdays and extending weekends.
While
Linking Words
 working in a shorter
week
Use synonyms
 is liked by some employees,
this
Linking Words
phonemenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 has not really caught up on a wider scale. I am not in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of having
such
Linking Words
 work
arragement
Correct your spelling
arrangement
arrangements
 and I will delineate the reasons for it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there or four
days
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 attractive but it's important to note that
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 number of working
hours
Use synonyms
 in a
week
Use synonyms
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
 the same irrespective of
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of working
days
Use synonyms
. So employees need to spend extra
hours
Use synonyms
 during the
week
Use synonyms
 to compensate for an extra day off.
This
Linking Words
 may make workers more
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
 during those
days
Use synonyms
 and may impact
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 mental health in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in many cross-functional projects, very close collaboration is required across multiple teams. If flexibility is provided to some employees to skip a day in lieu of extra
hours
Use synonyms
 spent earlier, it will hamper the
overall
Linking Words
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 as many queries pending on them would not be answered on those
days
Use synonyms
. So the
overall
Linking Words
 project deliverables and timelines get delayed.
Lastly
Linking Words
, working extra long
hours
Use synonyms
 on
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
days
Use synonyms
 and not working at all on the remaining three
days
Use synonyms
 results in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of discipline and consistency of the
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 as they have a very different schedule for the long weekend.
This
Linking Words
 contrasting schedule may confuse the mind and the body clock, impacting the
overall
Linking Words
 mental well-being. To summarize, companies may gain some goodwill
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 workers who avail
this
Linking Words
 new style of working, but
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
 it may prove to be detrimental for both
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the empolyee
show examples
empolyee
Correct your spelling
employee
.
Organization
Fix the agreement mistake
Organizations
show examples
 may not achieve
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 objectives of timely delivery and
worker's
Fix the agreement mistake
workers'
show examples
 health may
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 negatively impacted in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Consider rephrasing some sentences for clarity and conciseness. For instance, 'make seem attractive' should be 'may seem attractive'.
content
Support main points with specific examples or data to strengthen your argument.
language
Ensure there are no spelling mistakes. For example, 'phonemenon' should be 'phenomenon' and 'arragement' should be 'arrangement'.
content
Your introduction outlines your position clearly, setting the stage for your argument.
content
You've identified valid concerns regarding mental health and teamwork, which are key issues in the debate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: