IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. Argue both sides and give your opinion

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Technologies
such
Linking Words
 as
computers
Use synonyms
 and phones have become a part of people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is true, because nowadays we hardly ever see a person without a phone in their hand. Not only
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 but
also
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 little kids stick with their phones.
Obviosly
Correct your spelling
Obviously
,
such
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 technologies have tons of benefits, but should they be added
in
Change preposition
to
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 a school programme?
Computers
Use synonyms
 with access to
Add an article
the
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Internet are a treasure
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
Add an article
the
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Internet is the biggest source of
information
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. These advantages made life easier
,
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apply
show examples
 because any
information
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 is now available. If
computers
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 were added into school
classroom
Fix the agreement mistake
classrooms
show examples
 that would give us
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of possibilities.
For example
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: kids would not need to carry many books with them, which is awesome for health.
Also
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
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they could find any
information
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,
that is
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 required, which may be impossible to find in books. These are the most important advantages in my opinion. But these changes might have bad effects too. Kids might rely on
computers
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 too much and not be able to think by themselves. These actions might lead
into
Change preposition
to
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stupidity
Add an article
the stupidity
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 of future generations. Some could be distracted by playing games or watching videos, which
wolud
Correct your spelling
would
also
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 be a huge problem for teachers.
Also
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 adding
computers
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 means that teachers might be needed less,which would lead
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 massive firing
teachers
Change preposition
of teachers
show examples
 from jobs.That could affect economics
dramarically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
, since huge numbers of people would end up being unemployed. In conclusion
Add a comma
,
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I would like to say that disadvantages overweight advantages these days, but that can change in the future.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
adding
computers
Use synonyms
 has lots of benefits, I think that we are not ready for these types of change yet. If I
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 to decide, I would not let anyone add
computers
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
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school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 programme. Even if I did,it should have strict rules and only
Add a missing verb
be
show examples
used for teaching purposes, and
computers
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 must disallowed from useless
information
Use synonyms
 .

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea to improve logical structure.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion by clearly stating your position regarding the integration of computers in classrooms.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to reinforce your points about the advantages and disadvantages of computers in education.
task achievement
You've identified both the advantages and disadvantages of introducing computers into classrooms, which provides a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses some relevant vocabulary related to the topic, demonstrating an understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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