IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solutions can you suggest?

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Nowadays, our society has a lot of
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 caused
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 contamination. Some
people
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 believe
that is
Linking Words
 our own fault, even,
this
Linking Words
 situation will be the cause of a possible extinction of biodiversity as
animals
Use synonyms
 and
trees
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses about causes and some solutions for these
problems
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, a large number of industries have been destroying our natural resources which they use for
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 of new factories or towns.
Consequently
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, now, human
people
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 have different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
problems
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 because deforestation could be
one
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 of the main causes for the
dead
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death
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 of all
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 and
insects´
Change noun form
insects
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 species.
For instance
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, many investigations about bees show
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us the importance of those insects,
also
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, scientists are concerned
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 possible extinction of bees because that could be the end of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human society too.
That is
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 only
one
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 of
thousand
Correct article usage
a thousand
show examples
 similar cases in which ecosystem
problems
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 are killing our biodiversity.
Secondly
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, in
this
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 day and age,
almost
Correct your spelling
most
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people
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 have
one
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 or two
cars
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.
This
Linking Words
 situation
makes
Verb problem
causes
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 a lot of traffic and different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of toxic gases which are developing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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climate change.
For example
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, cities like Mexico City or Santiago all the time have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
grey toxic smoke in their environment which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 get sick.
Additionally
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change has been
making
Verb problem
causing
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 in our forests and,
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, we are losing
diversity
Correct article usage
the diversity
show examples
 of
trees
Use synonyms
 and vegetation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a possible solution could be the construction of different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of nature sanctuaries. In those places,
people
Use synonyms
 will have different species of
animals
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, insects, birds and
trees
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. If we can make something like
this
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, that could be a perfect site to care
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animals
Change preposition
for animals
show examples
 in extinction risk or reforest with native
trees
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.
In addition
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,
one
Use synonyms
 solution for contamination is the construction of electric
cars
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. These
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
cars
Use synonyms
 do not through gases, so, is the perfect solution to have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity needs to make changes in their lifestyle. Solutions like animal sanctuaries or
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of electric
cars
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our hands, and
this
Linking Words
 could be
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
of
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 we learn about
this
Linking Words
 situation and our national governments share with us some responsibilities.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to provide a clearer overview of the topic in your introduction. Clearly stating the primary causes of biodiversity loss and the solutions will help the reader understand the focus of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the points within the paragraphs logically connect to that main idea. This will help your argument flow better.
Task Achievement
It's beneficial to elaborate a bit more on each of your main points. Providing additional detail or examples could strengthen your argument and make your points more compelling.
Task Achievement
Be careful with sentence construction and word choice to improve clarity. For example, phrases such as ' caused for contamination' should be corrected to 'caused by contamination'.
Task Achievement
You have identified significant environmental issues and provided relevant examples related to biodiversity loss, which shows good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your suggestions for solutions are practical and show an understanding of the actions that can be taken to address environmental issues.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecosystem
  • extinction
  • biodiversity
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • contamination
  • overexploitation
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • non-native
  • safeguard
  • eco-friendly
  • sustainable
  • legislation
  • rehabilitation
  • endangered species
  • conservation
  • environmental impact
  • sustainability
  • biodiversity loss
  • ecological balance
  • sanctuary
  • environmental degradation
  • policy implementation
  • wildlife protection
  • ecotourism
  • biodiversity conservation
  • ecological footprint
  • sustainable development
  • pollinator decline
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