IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ''one big traffic jalm'' How true do you think this statement is? What measure can government take to discourage people from using their cars?

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Nowadays, the rate of
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
rised
Correct your spelling
risen
raised
 quickly
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these three years ,which
makes
Wrong verb form
has made
show examples
 many
cities
Use synonyms
 become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 with abundant traffic jams. Some
people
Use synonyms
 suggest that governments should encourage
people
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using
Change the verb form
to use
show examples
 public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of using their own
cars
Use synonyms
. In my point of view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it depends on the size of the city,
whereas
Linking Words
 some
cities
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 might have traffic conjunctions all the time
while
Linking Words
 others might take
cars
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 as a necessary viechle to commute. First of all, one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 that cause the
climbing
Replace the word
climb
show examples
up
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
drive
Wrong verb form
driving
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 might because
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 a longer time to travel to work. There are many policies that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can set to discourage
people
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's usage of their own
cars
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.
For example
Linking Words
, it may reduce
Use synonyms
people'
Change noun form
people
show examples
s desireties
Correct your spelling
's desire
 to own a
car
Use synonyms
 once the tax
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 buying a
car
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increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, buyers will consider not only the cost of
car
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maintanance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 but
also
Linking Words
 the insurance fee and
taxs
Correct your spelling
taxes
tax
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
govenments
Correct your spelling
governments
 can charge more tax from
car
Use synonyms
 companies for
saling
Correct your spelling
selling
 a
car
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, it could limit the proportion of
people
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 who own a
car
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.
While
Linking Words
 many
cities
Use synonyms
 need more policies on restricting
veichle
Correct your spelling
vehicle
usages
Fix the agreement mistake
usage
show examples
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it would be hard to implement
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 small
cities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of transportation systems. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, there are many
cities
Use synonyms
only
Correct pronoun usage
that only
show examples
 have one
super market
Correct your spelling
supermarket
show examples
 in the UK, so the
solo
Correct your spelling
sole
show examples
 option
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who need to buy groceries and daily
suppliments
Correct your spelling
supplements
 has become using
cars
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. In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
, governments should use different strategies
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
cities
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. To
applying
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
 policies for
car
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 purchasements in big
cities
Use synonyms
, and increasing the tranportations in smaller
cities
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Ensure that your subject-verb agreement is accurate. For example, change 'who has cars' to 'who have cars'.
structure
Avoid run-on sentences and break them into shorter, clearer sentences. This will aid readability.
content
Make sure to clearly differentiate between different cities and explain their specific situations regarding traffic and vehicle use.
grammar
Double-check spelling and word choice (e.g., 'traffic conjunctions' should be 'traffic congestion', 'viechle' should be 'vehicle').
content
You present a clear perspective on the topic and address both sides of the argument, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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