IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many scientists believe that seeking out life by sending messages into space is a good idea while others feel that it is dangerous. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, everyone suffers from diseases.
However
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 , nowadays doctor's fees
as well as
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 medicines are really expensive and cannot be affordable by everyone so
due to
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this
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people
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 do not want to visit hospitals. It seems to me that
this
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 trend may have a negative impact on society. To commence with, It is undeniable that in
this
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 modern era , most
people
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 suffer from depression or other
health
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 problems but
due to
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 a number of reasons they do not want to go for a checkup. The first and foremost reason is the development of technology. These days, most
people
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 use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 from which they can get information about their
health
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 issues. Most
people
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 are workaholics and
due to
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 their busy schedule, they prefer to book appointments online and save time by visiting a doctor.
Secondly
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, the cost of visiting a doctor may be higher than an online appointment.
Thus
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, In order to save their money and time
people
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 avoid visiting
doctors
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 specifically for minor ailments.
However
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,
this
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 trend may have a detrimental impact on the
health
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 of society. Because if they do not visit
doctors
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 they may suffer from serious illness in future. When a patient goes to the hospital
then
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doctors
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 do proper treatment and suggest possible solutions to cure their illnesses.
In addition
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 , on online consultations, there is not any
sureity
Correct your spelling
surety
 that
people
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 get correct advice because
doctors
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 might be fake .
Moreover
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, without
checkup
Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
show examples
,
people
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 can have the wrong medication which may have serious effects on their
health
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 .
For example
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, the mortality rate become high as compared to past days.
To sum up
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,
although
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 the cost may affect
people
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as well as
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 time and money are most important for
people
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, if they do not visit
doctors
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, they may suffer from many
health
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 problems which may lead to death.

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task achievement
Clarify and better express your main points. Each paragraph should clearly relate back to the thesis statement and support your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure paragraphs are well-structured with clearer topic sentences. Transition phrases can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. General points without solid examples may weaken your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and appropriate vocabulary usage to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant points about the consequences of not visiting doctors which is crucial for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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