IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think that children should be given freedom to make their own choices, while others believe that too much freedom can be harmful. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The importance of providing flexibility to
children
Use synonyms
 which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
Linking Words
 others reject the notion. In my opinion, granting limited freedom to offspring is acceptable. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
Linking Words
; the first and foremost reason, why
children
Use synonyms
 should be confined to independence is, that
this
Linking Words
 practice will save them from undesirable activities
such
Linking Words
 as robbery, and sexual assaults, which will
therefore
Linking Words
 protect their lives from ruining . Another striking benefit with regard to
this
Linking Words
 is, that the parents guide them to enjoy their life by cherishing values and fostering discipline in them, which
consequently
Linking Words
 enriches them with knowledge about the important regulations in life and will be outstanding citizens in future.
Conversely
Linking Words
, proving ahead the main underlying reason stems from the fact that limited freedom enables
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to explore the things of their interest, which not only makes
children
Use synonyms
 confident but
also
Linking Words
 makes them extroverts. Moving
further
Linking Words
, it is pertinent to mention that unrestricted upbringing develops them holistically; they have the freedom to chase their life goal without excess pressure from their parents which ultimately sharpens their minds and makes them ready for future endeavours. Apart from the above-mentioned reasons, it can be clearly stated that many are in favour of having a balanced approach, including restriction whenever necessary.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the arguments aforementioned, one can reach the conclusion that the benefits of finite exemption, are indeed too great to negate.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay outlines a clear opinion but could benefit from more development in the key arguments presented. Make sure each point is fully explained and backed with examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Use linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Clarify your thesis in the introduction by stating exactly what you mean by "limited freedom". This would help set the direction of your essay more clearly.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
The vocabulary used is varied and appropriate for the argument, demonstrating a good range of language skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: