Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this and how it can be addresses?

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In many countries, doctors are saying that
people
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usually
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workout
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work
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less than
what
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apply
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they should. Since
people
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focus on working
performances
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performance
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, they prioritise their career growth rather than taking care of their physical health.
However
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,
this
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issue can be solved by government-sponsored campaigns that provide useful information for all citizens. Individuals, nowadays, work from 9 to 5 or even overtime, reducing their time for
exercise
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.
Due to
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more responsibilities with age,
people
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are forced to earn more money in order to cover their higher expenses so they choose to work harder and
this
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makes them exhausted.
Moreover
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, workers
also
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prefer to
take
Verb problem
have
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some relaxation by having a good dinner
instead
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of pushing themselves to do any physical
workout
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.
For example
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, in many Asian
countires
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countries
, the most popular activities surveyed
is
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are
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hanging out with friends or eating
instead
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of playing sports or exercising. One of the possible viable solutions is to raise awareness via public campaigns which should be promoted everywhere. If
people
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are educated on the effects of
having
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apply
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inadequate
exercise
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and the positive impacts of being physically healthy, they will be aware and eventually interested in exercising.
For instance
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,
Thai
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the Thai
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government published a viral campaign on
skytrains
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Skytrains
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to convince
people
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to
exercise
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more and
also
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suggested easy ways to complete
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workout
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workouts
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at home.
As a result
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, the frequency of
exercise
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reported increased. In conclusion,
although
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people
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tend to have not enough physical
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workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
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because of hard
working
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work
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and having less free time, viral awareness-raising campaigns can be one of the practical solutions to address
this
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issue.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the issue, but you could strengthen it by stating a clearer thesis statement outlining the causes and the solutions you plan to discuss. This would improve alignment with the essay prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly and guide the reader through your argument. For example, you could use 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' to introduce supporting points.
Task Achievement
While your examples are relevant, providing a few more specific details or statistics could enhance the strength of your points, making them more compelling and persuasive.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively identifies the main causes of the lack of exercise and proposes a clear solution through public campaigns, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main arguments and reinforces your proposed solution, which is a strong way to close your essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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