IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is becoming increasingly popular for people to travel to tourist destinations during public holidays. What problems does this cause? What solutions are there to these problems?

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n
Correct your spelling
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch,
health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become increasingly common which eventually requires more consultation and guidance from experts.
However
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to high rise of inflation and the cost of bearing those expenditures on a daily basis obstruct
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 from visiting doctors.I opine that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is not only affecting society negatively but
also
Linking Words
 becoming a hindrance in building economic structure. To commence with, there are a number of reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 fact that why
people
Use synonyms
 do not prefer visiting doctors.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the proliferation of the inflation rate is affecting
people
Use synonyms
 negatively and alternatively, civilization conquers
health
Use synonyms
 issues through the guidance of random or local
people
Use synonyms
 around them who
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to be acknowledged of that specific problem.
Secondly
Linking Words
, sometimes commuting to hospitals or medical centres regularly seems a burden for them and ultimately avoids wasting time and energy on
such
Linking Words
 travels.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 negligence by
people
Use synonyms
 to appoint or consult a doctor has detrimental impacts on society. First and Foremost is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are enormous steps which need to be taken care
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
of while
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 suffering from
health
Use synonyms
 issues. Certain prescriptions are required sometimes from medical experts and
thus
Linking Words
, if ignored by patients can lead to an unfortunate death.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 do not visit medical centres, the mortality rate will eventually rise, which will decline in
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in future. To exemplify, diseases
such
Linking Words
 as cancer, various syndromes,
diabities
Correct your spelling
disabilities
 and many more often need immediate attention and
lifetimes
Fix the agreement mistake
lifetime
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 prescriptions from doctors.
Likewise
Linking Words
, at some point in the future medical lines will be at risk if a substantial proportion of outcomes through customers and patients will not be directed to these facilities.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 it is a daunting task to bear the expense of prescribing expertise to track
health
Use synonyms
 issues, it is crystal clear from the above testimonials that it is necessary to acquire guidance from a doctor who can offer medications and solutions for individual development.

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task achievement
You should have included a clearer outline of the problems and solutions in your introduction. This would improve the clarity of your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are logically connected. Use linking phrases effectively to clarify the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
Try to provide more direct examples, especially about specific health issues and their impacts on society. This can enhance your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents a relevant topic and demonstrates your understanding of the economic implications of healthcare access.
task achievement
You attempted to discuss multiple reasons and problems associated with health consultations, which is a strong approach to developing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overcrowding
  • increased prices
  • environmental damage
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • cultural degradation
  • limited availability
  • waiting lines
  • tourist attractions
  • conflict
  • local residents
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