IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Nowadays,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is spending
money
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 on the exploration of space, which seems a complete waste. The view is that
this
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money
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 could be spent on things which could benefit the world,
such
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 as increasing job opportunities, implementing
government
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 reserves, and
reduction in
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reducing
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migration
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. I totally agree with
this
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.
Firstly
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,
by
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apply
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spending on the construction of new factories ,
trade
Correct word choice
and trade
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 with foreign countries as compared
spending
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to spending
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space exploration could help the nation
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
create more job opportunities for the unemployed
people
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, which leads to
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in their living standard. And ultimately poverty, which is the main issue these days, could be diminished to some extent.
Also
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, with more
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
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, spending will eventually
increase
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 by
country
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 residents
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will benefit the
government
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 as they will collect more taxes from the
people
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, which will
increase
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 the reserves of official bodies that can be used
at
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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times of disasters or uncertainties.
This
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,
thus
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 , will make
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country
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the country
a country
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 strong and competitive.
Furthermore
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, if
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government
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the government
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 starts to spend on basic healthcare,
then
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 dangerous problems could be diagnosed early, which leads to
reduction
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a reduction
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 in death rates. With
this
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,
migration
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 would decline as many
people
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 want to go abroad just because those countries provide better care.
Moreover
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, in the case of
migration
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, young
people
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 who want to grow their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
try to settle abroad because of
less
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fewer
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 facilities in their home
country
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. So, if
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government
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the government
show examples
 initiates
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 their
money
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 on
this
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,
then
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 these all problems could be resolved and more intelligent
people
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 will tend to stay here. That will benefit the
country
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 in many ways,
such
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 as
technology
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technological
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 advancement,
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in businesses,
ultimately
Correct word choice
and ultimately
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 a win-win situation for all.
To conclude
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, spending more
money
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 for the nation will make the
country
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 more
venerable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
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as poverty will reduce,
migration
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 will reduce and reserves for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 will be increased.
This
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 altogether makes any
country
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 stronger.

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task achievement
Make sure your arguments are well-supported with clear examples and explanations. While you present good points, elaborating on them with specific examples would enhance the overall effectiveness of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your paragraphs. Consider using linking phrases to connect ideas more clearly and guide the reader through your reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
You presented a clear opinion on the topic and structured your response into paragraphs, which makes it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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