IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people learn learn more about good behaviour from books or films/ movies than they learn from real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that books and films have a great influence over young individuals, compared to
the
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apply
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real-life scenarios. To a great extent, I disagree with
this
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 notion as
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of
people
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 are significantly impacted by
the
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first-hand
experiences
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 rather than by
the
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apply
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ficition
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fiction
 stories.
To begin
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 with, one of the main reasons to argue the impact of real-life
experiences
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 is the deeper emotional connection.
This
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 means
the
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that
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 life lessons become more impactful
due to
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 the fundamental level of connection with own actions.
For example
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, a person
usally
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usually
learn
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learns
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 how to maintain a
relation
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relationship
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, after doing it in real life.
Hence
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,
people
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 understand the affairs much better and clearer through first-hand
experiences
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. Another point worth noting is
that
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apply
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the negligence of exceptional messages from, movies or books frequently because it classified as entertainment. Many movies with fine messages have been produced throughout the decades,
however
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, one cannot say that it has transformed 'x' amount
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people
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of people
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 to do good. Having said that,
the
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apply
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one of the most common traits of mankind is the habit of imitation. Especially, the young
people
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 love to copy others, they
often
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are often
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 inspired by what they consume in their real lives.
For example
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, young adults learn basic values from their family,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 love, sharing, caring and forgiveness. In conclusion, even though the movies and books have an impact on the young generation, I would argue that
,
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 they are mostly influenced by the real-life
experiences
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. The deep emotional bonds and first-hand
experiences
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 will create a unique way of learning
good
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the good
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 and bad aspects of
lives
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life
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.
Therefore
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, like a famous quote
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,
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'' we never stop learning''.

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Grammar and Vocabulary
Ensure to use precise language and avoid minor spelling errors for overall clarity. For example, 'usally' should be 'usually', and 'ficition' should be 'fiction'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying sentence structures and lengths to enhance fluency and engagement. For instance, begin some sentences with clauses or phrases to mix up the rhythm.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your arguments with more specific examples or studies that emphasize the impact of real-life experiences on influencing behavior, to add depth to your points.
Task Achievement
Your introduction sets a clear stance that directly addresses the prompt, which is a good practice in essay writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument and reinforces the central message of the essay, which adds to its cohesiveness.
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