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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features，and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features，and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given line chart indicates the statistics of
a
Remove the article
apply
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research about people's
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea buying and drinking
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
show examples
 in each five
cities
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Austalia
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, all
cities
Use synonyms
' citizens
inclined
Add a missing verb
are inclined
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 to purchase
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 rather than fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
,
especailly
Correct your spelling
especially
 Brisbane showed an obvious gap
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 almost one-fifth per cent.
Moreover
Linking Words
, each
Use synonyms
cities'
Change noun form
city's
show examples
 proportions of buying
beverage
Fix the agreement mistake
beverages
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 from
Correct article usage
the cafeteria
show examples
cafeteria
Fix the agreement mistake
cafeterias
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 reached
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half percentage except Adelaide following closely by approximately 48%. Look at the data to
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
a ratio
show examples
 of purchasing
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 month. three of
Use synonyms
cities
Correct article usage
the cities
show examples
, Melbourne, Hobart and Sydney, represented the over sixty
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 with almost 64%, 63% and 61% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the rest of two
figrues
Correct your spelling
figures
, Brisbane and Adelaide, included more less population of going
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 with 56% and 49% each. Despite the drinking
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 of each city, Brisbane showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant interest in consuming
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of fresh
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 with
20
Correct article usage
a 20
show examples
% gap.
Besides
Linking Words
, Hobart and Adelaide
also
Linking Words
 had an enormous difference between
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 and fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 with approximately 15%.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 Sydney and Melbourne shared
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
identical information that
ratio
Correct article usage
the ratio
show examples
 of disparity between fresh and
instant
Use synonyms
 was merely not up to 10%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, cities, instant with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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