IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Thefts per thousand vehicles in four countries between 1990 and 1999.

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The line chart compares the figure
of
Change preposition
for
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 stolen transport per 1000 cars in four different nations between 1990 to 1999. Briefing the data by choosing and reporting the key features and having comparisons where connection.
Overall
Linking Words
, the rate of yearly robbery per thousand
vehicles
Use synonyms
 varied in all nations and the British had the highest figure throughout the period .
Firstly
Linking Words
, moving with France and Canada both had a somehow similar growth trend . In 1990 , the French and the Canadians had around 7 and 8
vehicles
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 stolen respectively. By 1994 they both decreased
such
Linking Words
 that France had approximately 7 cars stolen and Canada reported about 5 cars .
This
Linking Words
 figure continued to fluctuate over time.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, by the time period of 1999, both had the same count of shipments stolen which was around 6 each .
Moreover
Linking Words
, turning to Great Britain and
Sweden
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 Great Britain reported the largest number of robberies, the rate of
stealing
Verb problem
apply
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vehicles
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 in
Sweden
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 experienced an increasing pattern. In 1990, Britain had the largest car thefts at about 18
cases
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 per 1000
vehicles
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while
Linking Words
Sweden
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 had the smallest count of
little
Correct word choice
less
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over
Change preposition
than
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 5
cases
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
, by 1999, the
cases
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 of car theft among the English had dropped to almost 15
while
Linking Words
 that of
Sweden
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 had exceeded 13
cases
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 .

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task achievement
Your essay presents the key features of the data, but it could be improved with clearer comparisons between all four countries throughout the period studied.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow of your ideas. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a concluding statement that summarizes the overall trends in the data. This would strengthen the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear overview of the trends observed in the data.
coherence and cohesion
You have made comparisons between the countries, which is essential for this type of analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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