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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The bar chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of older men
smokers
Use synonyms
 in seven nations around the world between 2000 and 2015. In general, the number of
smokers
Use synonyms
 decreased from 2000 to 2015 but except in Egypt and Lebanon was increased between 2000 and 2015. By the way, America had the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of adult male
smokers
Use synonyms
 and Australia had the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
. Having looked at the bar chart, we can see that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of American males who smoked
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reached a peak at 65 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2000. At the same time, Bangladesh had the second highest among male
smokers
Use synonyms
 at around 62 per
cent
Use synonyms
; meanwhile, the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was Australia at around 29 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In 2000, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of adult men
smokers
Use synonyms
 in Cuba was 53 per
cent
Use synonyms
;
while
Linking Words
 Egypt, Lebanon and Mexico had the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 at around 35 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Regarding the line graph, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of American male
smokers
Use synonyms
 remained the same at the highest at around 52 per
cent
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. Meanwhile, the
percentage
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 of Cuba and
and
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apply
show examples
Lebanon increased to around 51 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 45 per
cent
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Bangladesh decreased a half compared to the
percentage
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 in 2000 at around 39 per
cent
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. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Australian men who smoke was a slight fall and hit the lowest point at 18 per
cent
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, smokers, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 12 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 7 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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