IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than show the cultures or artworks of other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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One of the widely discussed nowadays is that
museums
Use synonyms
 and
profession
Replace the word
professional
show examples
 galleries have to show local
works
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. It is often said that too much attention to foreign
works
Use synonyms
 rather than focusing on local
works
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 some believe that galleries should establish more local
works
Use synonyms
 to citizens know their history. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I shall explain my reasons for
this
Linking Words
 belief.
Firstly
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, it is well known that halls illustrate global
artworks
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 that guests will expand their knowledge about other countries. What I mean here is that one could see art from legendary artists like Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo and Rafaello. Their
artworks
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 give goosebumps and excellent impressions. It will be beneficial for the museum and will be the most visited. Sometimes art
museums
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 forget about
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 list who want to develop their art.
On the other hand
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, it can
also
Linking Words
 be argued that more citizens should know about their local artists.
That is
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 to say, local archives will support their
works
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, and
then
Linking Words
 one will be motivated that their craft someone loves. Local artists starting to make fine arts like legendary people that will enhance the cultures of the country. Take ,
for example
Linking Words
, The Museum Louvre located in France only demonstrates its local
artworks
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. French saw it and recognised what local characters were capable of. It motivates
to
Correct pronoun usage
me to
show examples
 do incredible things. In conclusion, famous
artworks
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 are more profitable for living
museums
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 than local arts.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that local projects will play a crucial role in local
museums
Use synonyms
 for supporting actors in the future

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to be clearer in stating your position on the issue. Consider revising your thesis statement for better clarity.
task achievement
Avoid vague phrases such as 'one could see art from legendary artists'. Be more specific and assertive in your claims to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all points you make are supported with well-developed arguments. Some points in your essay feel underdeveloped and could be fleshed out further.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more logically and clearly; it will help improve your essay's coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should clearly restate your main argument and summarize the key points made in the essay. Be more specific about the role of local projects in supporting artists.
task achievement
You have indicated a clear opinion in your essay and have attempted to structure your thoughts around it.
task achievement
You provided examples to support your points, which is a positive aspect of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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