Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is argued that educational establishments feature a too competitive atmosphere, which may lead to adverse ramifications on students,
whereas
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others allege that
this
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phenomenon may be an incentive for those learners to achieve their targets.
This
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essay aims to explore both viewpoints and agrees with the second statement. It is conspicuous that
school
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schools
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has
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have
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been set up primarily to form viable citizens and reliable workers. Indeed, children after their graduation, are confronted
to
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with
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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real life, full of competition.
Hence
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, educational institutions put
froward
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forward
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the
competition
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competitive
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spirit in the curriculum, so students may enhance their social abilities
as well as
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their professional capabilities. Renowned companies are, in fact, consistently searching for young workers who crave to be the
bests
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best
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.
Hence
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, it is beneficial to
establishing
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establish
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a competitive milieu for those learners when they are in school. In France
for instance
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, a renowned nation for its
oustanding
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outstanding
industry and nuclear technology, educational establishments showcase ratings and results publicly , so they encourage learners to be competitive.
On the other hand
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, numerous individuals claim that being too competitive may be detrimental to youngsters.
This
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is because the current curriculum doesn't only aim to make students knowledgeable in science and literature, but
also
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in the
so- called
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so-called
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" soft skills",
such
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how
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as how
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to work on
team
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a team
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and how to help peers when they are in need
of
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apply
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.
Moreover
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, consequential firms tend to monitor
this
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kind of criteria to decide whether to accept new employees or not. In huge nuclear factories
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for
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, for
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instance, engineers work together to carry out their duty,
Therefore
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, being too competitive could be harmful to
this
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collaboration. In conclusion, there are pros and cons
for
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to
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competitive schooling.
However
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, it would be relevant to highlight the fact that technical skills, which are
iineluctably
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ineluctably
acquired by being competitive, are the
corerstone
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cornerstone
cornerstones
of any kind of sector.

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Task Achievement
Try to enhance the clarity of your thesis statement to provide a clearer position on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your main points in different paragraphs to improve logical structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency.
Task Achievement
The introduction presents the topic well and indicates that you will discuss both views and provide your opinion.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, like the educational system in France, adds strength to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
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