IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many developing countries, children work in some form to bring in necessary income from an early age. In the first world, many people think this is damaging and wrong but others would argue that their work brings them a sense of contributing, belonging and responsibility. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
From an early
age
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 in some third-world countries are working to provide for themselves an income. Other People believe that
children
Use synonyms
 working
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an early
age
Use synonyms
 is dangerous and wrong ,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that working at an early
age
Use synonyms
 would boost responsibility, belonging
as well as
Linking Words
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of contribution. I personally believe that working from an early
age
Use synonyms
 has several advantages. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the advantages of
children
Use synonyms
 working at an
erearly
Correct your spelling
early
age
Use synonyms
 will be discussed
as well as
Linking Words
 the counterpoint. Responsibility is a trait that can be taught from an
early-
Correct your spelling
early age
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. Some parents do not reinforce
this
Linking Words
 merit to
theri
Correct your spelling
their
child
Use synonyms
 which might affect their
child
Use synonyms
 in their adulthood.
For example
Linking Words
, a
child
Use synonyms
 who contributes to the income would function better as an adult compared to a
child
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 didn't
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the examples of successful
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 who have
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked as a
child
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 higher,
hence
Linking Words
 why taking responsibility from an early
age
Use synonyms
 can be crucial.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 have to be provided with a healthy environment and
work
Use synonyms
 should not be their main source of living.
Also
Linking Words
, they should have time to play and enjoy their childhood which might be affected when they are forced to
work
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, despite the drawbacks of early-
age
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 essay believes that it can be beneficial to foster crucial traits which will influence their lives positively when they become adults.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your main points with more examples and explanations. While you touched on the benefits of responsibility, providing specific examples of situations or statistics would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas. Phrases like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'on the contrary' can help clarify the relationships between your points.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are expressed clearly and check for consistency in your argumentation. Clarifying your stance in the introduction would help set the stage for your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical errors ('third-world', 'their', 'individuals') as they can distract from your message and impact clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and engages with both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities of child work.
task achievement
You successfully outline the advantages of children working from a young age, which is a key point of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: