IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Today , we will talk about the
people
Use synonyms
 under 18 years old and the methods of
education
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 .
According to
Linking Words
 some
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think young
people
Use synonyms
 should be required to have
Correct article usage
a full
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 until they are at least 18 years old . In summary , they
are think
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that the young population have
valuble
Correct your spelling
valuable
time
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 to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 different
things
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 so it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 very important to
uses
Change the verb
use
show examples
this
Linking Words
time
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 for studying and
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 new
things
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 rather than wasting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 unbenefit
things
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 . Scientifically , the mind present in young
people
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 can
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 more
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
 and keep it
fastly
Correct your spelling
faster
show examples
 than in adult
people
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 .
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 person under 18 years old has less
responbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and can
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 all the
time
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for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 more
things
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 . In my opinion , The student can not use all the
time
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 of
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 . There are more
things
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 that
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
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 rather than
the study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
. Some students
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in poor families and they
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 to help their families . So not all students can spend all
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 of year in school . They
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 free
time
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 to
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different projects and at the same
time
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 they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
need
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
 .
Finally
Linking Words
 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is very
importat
Correct your spelling
important
 for everyone to develop her/ his self in different
things
Use synonyms
 . More
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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 like to study different fields to be
fifferent
Correct your spelling
different
things
Use synonyms
 . Some
people
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 like to be
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 or
dentist
Fix the agreement mistake
dentists
show examples
 or
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 to learning humans new
things
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 to
solves
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
everythings easly
Correct your spelling
everything easily
. So keep trying to use most of
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
your time
show examples
 in
education
Use synonyms
 to develop yourself .

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task achievement
Work on clarifying your main argument more explicitly in the introduction and concluding paragraphs to ensure your position is easily understood.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using linking words and phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on expanding your vocabulary and checking for grammatical accuracy to enhance the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, which is a strong point for task achievement.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example about students from poor families needing to work, showing some understanding of the complexities of education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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