IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many jobs used to be done at home by hand, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages & disadvantages of the development.

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There is no iota of doubt that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of domestic chores can easily be done by
technology driven
Add a hyphen
technology-driven
show examples
Use synonyms
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 they were done manually in the bygone days. It has made
people
Use synonyms
’s lives a bed of roses,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 sometimes it opens a Pandora’s Box. The following paragraphs
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 elucidate
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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 and demerits of the same. There are umpteen benefits which
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy
due to
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advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
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 of technology. First and foremost, the lifestyle of individuals has gone through a sea change in comparison with
people
Use synonyms
 of earlier times,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 the ways in which they thrived primarily on skilled
work
Use synonyms
.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern men feel handicapped without
Use synonyms
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 to perform their daily tasks either at
domestic
Add an article
the domestic
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 front or at
office
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the office
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,
due to
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 the efficiency of machines which beats the quality of human effort.
Secondly
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, the fact cannot be denied that electronic appliances are unbeatable in saving the crucial time of human beings. Adding
further
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 a couple of more pros, the current scenario demands
people
Use synonyms
 to be multifaceted and
this
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 can possibly be done by accurately using
Use synonyms
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 whereby the
work
Use synonyms
 can be done with perfection and precision.
As a result
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, nobody is
skeptical
Change the spelling
sceptical
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 about the accuracy of
work
Use synonyms
. To substantiate it, there is an epitome of household apparatuses which have brought a revolutionary change in the methodology of performing any
work
Use synonyms
 at home.
This
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 has resulted
into
Change preposition
in
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 comfort and ease for the masses of different age groups because all the appliances are
user- friendly
Correct your spelling
user-friendly
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.
At
Change preposition
On
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 the flip side, there are some inevitable drawbacks associated with these inventions. The prominent one is
maintenance
Add an article
the maintenance
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 cost of all the
machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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 which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 become extra an
additional
Correct word choice
apply
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financial hassle for a layman.
Furthermore
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, excessive dependency leads to
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
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 lifestyle which is making
people
Use synonyms
 obese.
Moreover
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, the
Use synonyms
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 only functional with power.
Nonetheless
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, if there is
power
Add an article
a power
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 cut,
he
Correct your spelling
the
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work
Use synonyms
 comes to a standstill. Hammering the
last
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 nail, I personally feel that
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 outweigh the cons, so
this
Linking Words
 trend should be promoted for the betterment of humanity.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a general overview of the advantages and disadvantages. However, you might want to refine your thesis statement for greater clarity.
coherence
Your essay is structured logically and follows a clear progression. Transition words can be used more effectively to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While you have presented several valid points, further elaboration with more specific examples, particularly in the disadvantages section, would strengthen your arguments.
positive
Your vocabulary is impressive and shows a strong range of expression, particularly with phrases like 'a bed of roses' and 'open a Pandora’s Box.'

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • manual labor
  • hazardous jobs
  • initial investment
  • production costs
  • job displacement
  • skills gap
  • technical skills
  • reliance
  • vulnerabilities
  • breakdowns
  • cyber attacks
  • craftsmanship
  • artisanal skills
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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