IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People after retirement often require financial assistance. Some think the government should be responsible for this, while others believe individuals should make provisions for themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In my opinion,
government
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for
people
Use synonyms
 after retirement.
This
Linking Words
 is because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 hard work to work is for them to enjoy their life after
60-year-old
Correct your spelling
60 years old
.
Also
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 give
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
government
Use synonyms
 should give some support
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 after retirement. For the purpose of
people
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 money after retirement,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
formulate
Wrong verb form
formulated
show examples
 mandatory provident fund schemes for 18-
65 year old
Add a hyphen
65-year-old
show examples
 employees. It can confirm
people
Use synonyms
 have enough money to support them after
retirment
Correct your spelling
retirement
.
Also
Linking Words
,

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task achievement
Work on refining your argument structure. Ensure each paragraph fully develops a clear idea that directly supports your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability and clarity.
task achievement
There is a clear opinion presented at the beginning that supports the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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