IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 word

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Often
children
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 spend most of their valuable time surfing smartphones.In my
opionion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, it has both positive and negative impacts on them.On the one hand, They will be updated with all the latest
information
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.
On the Other hand
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, they are not
invloving
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involving
 in physical
activites
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activities
activity
. The young generation has the latest
information
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 at their fingertips. More often
children
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 have the recently updated
information
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 when compared to the older generation, as they do not check their mobile more frequently.
Additionally
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, some of them even have to wait until that message is telecasted on
news
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 channels.
For instance
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, After the introduction of
this
Linking Words
 year's union budget
children
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 who use mobile
phones
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 got the
news
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 within a few seconds as the
news
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 went viral on social media. despite the viral
news
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, adults got to know the
information
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 after it got into television or by next day's newspaper.
Children
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 using mobile
phones
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 every day showed the least involvement in physical exercises, as it was one of the major drawbacks. Mobile
phones
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 are making the future generation lazy because the online gaming applications in them are captivating.
Furthermore
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, the addiction to mobile
phones
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not allowing them to show any interest in live sports.
In addition
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, social media applications reduce the attention span of young minds.A recent study reveals that
children
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 watching short videos or reels are not able to focus on anything longer than 30 seconds. In conclusion,
children
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 investing most of their time in smartphones every day has both positive and negative development.On the positive side, they are updated with trending knowledge.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 side, they are the lazy ones, as they are not interested in performing any physical activities.To reduce the negative impact their parents should restrict them the use of
phones
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 and encourage them to go out and play or engage in cardiovascular activities.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically to improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your argument and clarify relationships between ideas.
task achievement
Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that succinctly summarizes the arguments made throughout the essay and reinforces your standpoint.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or explanations to strengthen your points and demonstrate your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Good attempts to present both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Relevant examples, particularly about the impact of smartphones on information access, were insightful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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