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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Fewer students are studying science at school and university, favouring more computer based subjects instead. Is this a positive or negative development? What are the reasons for this?

Nowadays, because of technological development, more and more students tend to study subjects related to
computers
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, which causes a reduction in the number of school children who want to learn about
science
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. I personally think that
this
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 trend is both beneficial and detrimental in about equal measure as I will describe below, explaining two reasons for
this
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 trend: logical learning and higher remuneration. On the one hand, in terms of the benefits of learning about
computers
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, it can contribute to making our
lives
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 more convenient and more effective. In our everyday life, we have a lot of materials including mobile phones and laptops, all of which are related to
computers
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.
For instance
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, in ancient times,
people
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 had to write a letter to their family and coworkers every time they needed to say something personally.
However
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, in
this
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 modern society, all they have to do is type some letters on a screen and send them to other
people
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 via devices immediately, which leads our
lives
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 to become more time-effective.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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 essential for us to learn about
science
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 because the subject is deeply connected with our modern life. Without it, our
lives
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 would have been completely different from what it is today. To illustrate
this
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, scientific research for human beings allowed us to live longer than ever before, resulting in longevity around the world.
Therefore
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,
people
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 started to enjoy their
lives
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 longer, which affected their well-being in their
lives
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. Turning to the reasons for
this
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 trend, one of them is that
computers
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 are not as difficult as
science
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 because the process of learning is usually logical, which can lead young
people
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 to work easily unlike
science
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, where a large amount of time and effort might be required.
As a result
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, a great deal of pupils would feel too formidable to keep studying
science
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,
thus
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 changing their major to more logical ones like
computers
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.
Moreover
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, another reason is that it is said that professional engineers are more likely to earn than scientists. Some statistics conducted by the Japanese government in 2020 show that the average salary of those who worked at an engineering company was roughly twice that of scientists. In conclusion, we can see a tendency where more school children prefer studying
computers
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 to
science
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 at educational institutions. In my opinion,
this
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 development has positive and negative aspects in about equal measure as computer subjects contribute to our productivity
while
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science
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 allows us to relish our time longer than in the past.
In addition
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, the two reasons for
this
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 are that
computers
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 are easier to tackle than
science
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 and that learning
computers
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 can lead to higher remuneration.

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task response
The introduction is clear and introduces the topic well. However, it would benefit from a more defined thesis statement that clearly states your opinion. Try to make your stance on the issue more explicit.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas in your paragraphs could be better linked. Adding transition words like 'firstly' or 'in addition' can help the flow between sentences and ideas.
task response
You provided some good examples, but they could be more directly related to your main points. Make sure each example clearly supports your argument and is explained well.
task response
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the trend, which demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reaffirms your opinion, providing a strong ending to the essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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