Some people say arts such as music and painting cannot directly improve the quality of people's life, so the government should not put money on art such as music and painting, instead, they should spend more money on construction of public services. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many people believe that skills

such

Linking Words

as music and painting are not enough to enhance the standard of living, and because of that

reason

Add a comma

reason,

show examples

authorities should invest money in building public services rather than arts

such

Linking Words

as singing and crafting. I support

this

Linking Words

to a large extent for several reasons. My position is argued

further

Linking Words

with explanations. Out of all the reasons, one is that numerous people

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

aspire to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

singer

Fix the agreement mistake

singers

show examples

musician

Fix the agreement mistake

musicians

show examples

, but only a few of them get recognized by the same industry.

This

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

a lack of support or motivation to reach the top

Change preposition

show examples

the industry.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, to be a professional singer and painter, an individual has to invest more time to be excellent, which is not possible in today’s fast-paced era. To add to

this

Linking Words

, those who are investing their time to become an artist they could not able to develop any other skill and they have to only

depnd

Correct your spelling

depend

on that particular skill to run their expense.

Additionally

Linking Words

, I would not overlook the other side too.

To begin

Linking Words

with, a few

community

Change to a plural noun

communities

show examples

, those who follow the latest trend, get

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good exposure in the music and painting industries and sign lucrative contracts from the big brand.

For instance

Linking Words

, Justin Bieber is the perfect example of someone who didn’t give up and

pursue

Wrong verb form

pursued

show examples

his passion, and he

got

Verb problem

had

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

success since he was a child.

However

Linking Words

, I would suggest that officials should invest more budget in the field of public service to fulfil the common people's needs rather than spending money on the pop industry.

Thus

Linking Words

to conclude

Linking Words

the discussion it can be

finally

Linking Words

said that even though officials should give extra attention

Change preposition

show examples

public service

instead

Linking Words

of the field,

such

Linking Words

as music and painting. I believe they should build more

health care

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

, primary schools, and good infrastructure for the common public.

patelsahil1342Thu Mar 06 2025

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task response

The thesis statement could be clearer about your position, specifying if you partially or completely disagree with the investment in art.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument, using topic sentences and linking ideas effectively to enhance coherence.

task response

Use more specific examples to support your points, as this can make your argument more persuasive and engaging.

task response

You present a clear opinion on the topic and support it with reasons, which is essential in task response.

task response

You make a good effort to address both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

313 words

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Some people say arts such as music and painting cannot directly improve the quality of people's life, so the government should not put money on art such as music and painting, instead, they should spend more money on construction of public services. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsible of individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

with the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more recources. to what extend do you agree?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?