IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe taht it is best way to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It’s argued that some individuals believe that the best
way
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 to face a bad
situation
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 is to accept it
such
Linking Words
 as working in an unsatisfied
job
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 or shortage of money.
While
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 others argue that it can be changed by effort.
Although
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, accepting the present
situation
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 is the immediate solution and with less stress ,
however
Linking Words
, people with the courage to
change
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 represent their belief in never giving up. For people who are satisfied with their present
situation
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 which would not increase their stress level. Individuals do not need to be looking for a new
job
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 to replace an unsatisfied workplace, indeed, they do not need to worry about the
job
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 interview.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 the research interviewers stated that they prefer to stay unchanged even when they are in a bad environment rather than looking for
change
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 but with uncertainty. Because uncertainty made them feel unsafety and stressed. Despite
this
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, I believe that pursuing changes to make a better life is worth to invest.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they believe that
change
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 will happen when they try to improve. Humankind believes that problems can be solved and there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
show examples
 to fix them.
For example
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, a shortage of income could be solved by doing one more
job
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 during their leisure time. I believe
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
 the
worse
Correct word choice
worst
show examples
situation
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 is not the only and the best
way
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. In conclusion, accepting the bad
situation
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 could be the fastest and least stressful
way
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,
whereas
Linking Words
, looking for alternatives is the best
way
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 to help people
change
Use synonyms
 their unpleasant
situation
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Clarify your position more explicitly in the introduction. Make it clear whether you believe in acceptance or change, or if you find value in both perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve coherence. For example, instead of using 'however' at the beginning of a sentence, consider alternatives like 'on the other hand' or 'in contrast'.
task achievement
Consider expanding your examples. Providing a personal connection or narrative can enhance the relatability of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents two clear opposing views on the topic, showcasing an understanding of the issue at hand.
coherence and cohesion
There is a good attempt at a balanced discussion, acknowledging both sides of the argument before arriving at a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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