IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree wih this statement?

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Some people argue that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well regularly. I completely disagree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion, as many young
fans
Use synonyms
 would be disposed
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 their bad habit and it could be worse
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
atletes'
Correct your spelling
athletes'
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in the future.
Firstly
Linking Words
, professional
Use synonyms
atletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 from all
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 are the
icon
Fix the agreement mistake
icons
show examples
 of their sports either on or off the field. Their behaviour would be looked
regularly
Change preposition
at regularly
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fans
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages
range
Verb problem
apply
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. It could be dangerous if young
fans
Use synonyms
 look bad attitude from their idol, as young
fans
Use synonyms
 have not fully understood
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its negative effects.
For instance
Linking Words
,
atlete
Correct your spelling
athlete
athletes
 who drink alcohol could influence the
fans
Use synonyms
. The naive
fans
Use synonyms
 think that alcohol would be good for
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 once their figure has portrayed it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they would addict
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it and become their habit before knowing the bad effects of it.
Additionally
Linking Words
, we as social
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
 should behave
kind
Change the word
kindly
show examples
 in any situation without distinct our profession, including
Use synonyms
atletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
. The negative behaviour from
Use synonyms
atletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 would only make their environment worse than before.
For example
Linking Words
, as the effects of globalization, bad
atittude
Correct your spelling
attitude
attitudes
 from players off the field could be freely recorded by people. The video recording of them could spread quickly on the internet and
dispose
Add the preposition
dispose of
show examples
 their image.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, that problem could affect their career and the
club
Change noun form
club's
show examples
 image
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
. In
worst
Correct article usage
the worst
show examples
 condition, if the club have stock in the market, it could decrease their value and influence their
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 in the future.

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task achievement
Clarify your position on the statement in the introduction. Instead of just stating you disagree, add a brief explanation of why that opinion is justified right away.
coherence and cohesion
Try to create clearer connections between your ideas and paragraphs. Use linking phrases to better guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and check for minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'atlete' (should be 'athlete') and 'atittude' (should be 'attitude').
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance against the idea of misbehavior in professional sports, which is a good foundation for the argument.
task achievement
The examples provided (like the example of alcohol influence) effectively illustrate the potential negative impact on young fans.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Role models
  • Influence
  • Sportsmanship
  • Team dynamics
  • Public image
  • Sponsorship
  • Ethical concerns
  • Legal issues
  • Fairness
  • Respect
  • Professional conduct
  • Harmony
  • Disruptive behavior
What to do next:
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