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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table
according to
Linking Words
 United Nations statistics, displays social and economic
indicators
Use synonyms
 for four
diffferent
Correct your spelling
different
 countries in 1994.
Overall
Linking Words
, Japan and
Canada
Use synonyms
 have shared achievement as a
country
Use synonyms
 with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 several categories.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
Zaire
Use synonyms
 was known as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 with
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 value on all four
indicators
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the data of annual income and life expectancy at birth from Japan in 1994 shared
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 pattern
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
 has the highest
number
Use synonyms
 on both
figures
Use synonyms
 with 15760
dollars
Use synonyms
 and 78
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Canada
Use synonyms
 has placed in second position of both
indicators
Use synonyms
 with around 11100
dollars
Use synonyms
 and 76
years
Use synonyms
 of age. Peru has followed
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
 as the third rank with
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of those
figures
Use synonyms
 about 160
dollars
Use synonyms
 and 51
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Zaire
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 known as the lowest
country
Use synonyms
 of those
figures
Use synonyms
 with 130
dollars
Use synonyms
 and 47
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Zaire
Use synonyms
 have experienced the same pattern
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 daily calorie supply per person and adult literacy rate
indicators
Use synonyms
'
number
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
Canada
Use synonyms
 was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 with the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of these
figures
Use synonyms
 with 3326 calories and
99
Correct article usage
a 99
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 rate,
Zaire
Use synonyms
 was known as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 with
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 with 1749 calories and
34
Correct article usage
a 34
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 rate.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words indicators, canada, country, zaire, number, figures, dollars, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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