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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pie charts illustrate
how
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apply
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the ages of UK tourists who visited Spain in the years 1983 and 2003.
Overall
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,
while
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 people aged 34 to 54 made up the largest
group
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 in both years, their proportion showed a downward trend by 2003. Meanwhile, the percentage of older visitors, especially those aged 55 and above, increased noticeably. The age distribution
also
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 became more balanced over time. In 1983, exactly half of all UK visitors to Spain were aged 34 to 54. The second largest
group
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 was those aged 25 to 34, accounting for 20%, followed by the 55+
group
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 at 16%. Young individuals aged 0 to 15 and 16 to 24 made up 10% and 4%, respectively. By 2003, the percentage of visitors aged 34 to 54 had dropped to 35%,
while
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 the 55+
group
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 had risen sharply to 26%, becoming the second largest
group
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.
Similarly
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, the proportions of children and young adults increased slightly to 12% and 15%, respectively.
In contrast
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, the 25 to 34 age
group
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 fell considerably to 12%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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