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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates the percentages of
UK
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 travelling to Spain, classified
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 in two
years
Use synonyms
, in 1983 and 2003
Overall
Linking Words
, among 5
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of
age
Use synonyms
,
UK
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 aged 35-54
years
Use synonyms
 consistently accounted
in
Change preposition
for in
show examples
 both
years
Use synonyms
, despite the significant drop over a period of 20
years
Use synonyms
. The opposite trend was true in the 0-24 and 55+
age
Use synonyms
 groups. In 1983, half the visitors from the
UK
Use synonyms
 to Spain fell into the 35-54 band, accounting
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 largest
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
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.
This
Linking Words
 was followed
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 people between the ages of 25 and 34, it stood at 20% and 16% with the 55+
age
Use synonyms
 group. Approximately 10% of
UK
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 were aged 0-15, more than double the figure for those aged 16-24. By 2003, the percentage of
UK
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 aged 35-54 had
went
Change the verb form
gone
show examples
 down to 35%, but they still made up the most enormous portion of total
UK
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
. Similar changes, though to a lesser extent, can be seen in the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 group, which saw a slow decline to 12%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the 0-15, 16-24, and 55+
age
Use synonyms
 groups all experienced increases. The proportion of
tourists
Use synonyms
 aged 0-15 grew slightly to 12%,
while
Linking Words
 those aged 16-24 and 55+ rose significantly to 15% and 26%, respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, tourists, age, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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