IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The main purpose of university is to provide graduate with the knowledge and skills needed for students to get a good job.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Universities
Use synonyms
 play a major
role
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 in society, and my people appreciate that its primary goal is to equip people with essential skills for great employment. Some individuals assume, it should not be the only purpose, as academics should
also
Linking Words
 enhance personal mind and creativity.The following paragraphs will examine why
universities
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 play a crucial
role
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 in personal development,
research
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, and broadening
students
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' perspectives.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, except preparing
students
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 for the workforce, institutes cultivate critical thinking and provide
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
show examples
 significant abilities.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
students
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 develop self-discipline, time management, and resilience, as they navigate academic challenges. A phenomenal example
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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 Steve Jobs, who studied in university by busting his strategic planning thanks to he created
Mac
Correct article usage
the Mac
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 company
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to impressive success.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
universities
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 are key drivers of
research
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 and technological advancements that benefit society. Loads of fundamental discoveries in medicine and engineering are created thanks to university
research
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, people from Oxford played an essential
role
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 in creating medicine against covid-19, saving millions of
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
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. If
universities
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 focused only on job training, they would limit
scientific
Correct article usage
the scientific
show examples
 progress of technological advancements. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
universities
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 equip
students
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 for employment, their
role
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 extends far beyond job training. They drive
research
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, fuel technological progress, and contribute to personal growth, making them essential for society.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents a clear viewpoint, but it could benefit from a more direct statement of your position. Consider clearly stating whether you agree, disagree, or partially agree with the statement provided.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your paragraphs are generally well-structured, ensure that each main point is directly related to the thesis. Some arguments could be more clearly linked to the primary role of universities.
Task Achievement
Try to include a broader variety of examples to support your main points. While you have mentioned specific individuals and situations, diversifying your examples can make your argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your conclusion, restate your main points more explicitly to reinforce your argument. This can help the reader remember the key insights of your essay more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence.
Task Achievement
The examples used, specifically in discussing research and personal development, are relevant and enhance your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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