IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this and how can it be addressed?

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Doctors from all over the world are worried because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
going
Correct your spelling
doing
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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work outs
Correct your spelling
workouts
show examples
 than they should. In
this
Linking Words
 essay let us discuss possible reasons
of
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for
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 it and reach a reasonable conclusion.
To begin
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 with,
modern
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the modern
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 world is intensively becoming less active day by day mostly because of new technologies and conveniences provided by them. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 go somewhere by
cars
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car
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 or
scooters
Fix the agreement mistake
scooter
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,
order
Wrong verb form
ordering
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 anything
than
Correct word choice
other than
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 going to the shop, and most of
chores
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the chores
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 are done automatically by machines, so
people
Use synonyms
 do not need to do it by themselves.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they get used to it and do not have enough physical activities,
although
Linking Words
, they go to the gym or fitness clubs. A
further
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 convenience is that
,
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apply
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 addiction to something and
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
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 diet prevents
people
Use synonyms
 from doing
exercises
Use synonyms
 and holding
active
Correct article usage
an active
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 lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
, addiction to
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 makes
people
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 behave more passively,
being
Correct word choice
and being
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 addicted to smoking and alcohol makes
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 unable to do some
exercises
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 as it harms his both physical and mental health. Eating chips,
sodas
Correct word choice
and sodas
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 which are popular today will
fastly
Rephrase
quickly
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 make
person
Add an article
a person
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 fat and lazy as
amount
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the amount
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 of sugar and oil in them is extremely high.
To conclude
Linking Words
, lack of physical
Use synonyms
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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 is a serious problem for
people
Use synonyms
, that should be solved in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 short term. It mainly influences
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
peoples
Change noun form
people's
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 health so they should do
exercises
Use synonyms
 at least twice a week to stay as fit as a fiddle.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more engaging. Consider starting with a broader statement about the importance of physical activity before mentioning the concerns raised by doctors.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points more clearly and reinforces the need for action. This can create a stronger final impact.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as statistics on physical activity levels or studies illustrating the effects of inactivity.
task achievement
Some sentences contain grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Review your sentence structure and word choice for clarity.
task achievement
The essay identifies relevant causes of decreased physical exercise and suggests potential reasons, which is good for task completion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • physical inactivity
  • recreational facilities
  • modern conveniences
  • remote work
  • high stress levels
  • streaming services
  • video games
  • social media
  • physical activity
  • accessibility
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health benefits
  • habit formation
What to do next:
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