IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, school-age children are spending their free time in doing homework. Is it a good or bad thing? What is your opinion? Give examples to support your view.

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school-age kids in lots of countries, spend their spare time of the
day
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 doing their homework. I strongly believe that it is a bad thing, as it can not only have a negative effect on their mental and physical health
,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 can prevent them from engaging in other beneficial activities which are necessary for their social abilities. Spending long hours sitting and concentrating during the
day
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 in school can be tough for
children
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 in their early stage of education. giving them too much homework can increase
this
Linking Words
 time. sitting too many hours a
day
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 can have a negative effect on
children
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's
body
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bodies
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 and is
also
Linking Words
 bad for
spinal
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the spinal
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 system. New medical research illustrates that spending too many hours a
day
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 in
sitting
Add an article
a sitting
the sitting
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 position for study or using
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
 devices, changes the
children
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's
body
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bodies
show examples
 and kids are at least 3
centimtres
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centimetres
 shorter in comparison with
children
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with
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of
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same
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the same
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 age in 1990. Soft
skills
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 and social
skills
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 today, are an
unseprateable
Correct your spelling
unrepeatable
 part of our modern world. engaging in social events,
intracting
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interacting
 with other people and improving social
skills
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 are as essential as education. forcing
children
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 to use their spare
times
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time
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 for school-related activities can prevent them from improving
these essential aspect
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this essential aspect
these essential aspects
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 of life. in conclusion, giving too much homework to school-age
children
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 in the way that they have to
doing
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do
show examples
 those in their free time, can lead their lives to an
unbalance
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unbalanced
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 situation
and
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apply
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put their health in danger
and
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apply
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keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
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 them from learning soft
skills
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 and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their social life in their adulthood.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states your opinion, but you could enhance it by briefly summarizing the main reasons you'll discuss in the body paragraphs. This will provide a clearer roadmap for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the body paragraphs, try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to your main argument. This will help strengthen the logical flow.
Task Achievement
Some examples provided are relevant, but ensuring that they are fully developed and clearly linked to your argument will strengthen your point. Try to elaborate on how these examples directly support your opinion.
Language and Mechanics
Be careful with your phrasing and spelling (e.g., 'unseprateable' should be 'inseparable', and ‘centimtres’ should be 'centimeters'). Such inaccuracies can distract from your message.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion on the issue, which is essential in answering the prompt.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant points regarding health and social skills, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic performance
  • time management
  • stress and burnout
  • mental health
  • holistic development
  • extracurricular activities
  • parental involvement
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • reinforces
  • understanding
  • valuable skill
  • engage
  • inequitable
  • resources
  • support
What to do next:
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