IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part time. Write a letter to your boss. In your letter •explain why you want to reduce your working hours •say which hours you would like to work •describe how your part-time studies would benefit your employer

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Dear Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you about my availability to
work
Use synonyms
. Being a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 employee in your company I have learnt many things
however
Linking Words
 I would now like to
work
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 six months.  As discussed in a meeting, I am planning to obtain
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 which I will only be able to
work
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.It will be difficult for me to do
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 as sincerely as I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 doing since
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
show examples
 because it is not easy to
work
Use synonyms
 and study at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.So, it would be really helpful if I only
work
Use synonyms
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 days a week. There is no issue with timing
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 me
however
Linking Words
 I will only
Add a missing verb
be avaiable
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avaiable
Correct your spelling
available
 on weekends
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.Apart from that on weekdays early morning shift would
work
Use synonyms
 for me . In
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 of holidays or long
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
weekend
Add a comma
weekend,
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 I will be happy to help the team.  I believe being
Add an article
a part
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
employee
Add an article
an employee
the employee
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 may help other employees, who
were
Wrong verb form
have been
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 asking for hours
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Change the article
a long
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time
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I am continuing my studies in Sales & Income Management which would help our business to grow as I am applying in
Sales
Correct article usage
the Sales
show examples
 sector of our company. If I complete
this
Linking Words
 degree
then
Linking Words
 I may become
asset
Add an article
an asset
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 our team as our company really finds difficulty in sales
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
.   I hope to hear from you . Yours Sincerely, Ramanjot Kaur

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coherence
Consider adding a brief introduction that summarizes your purpose before going into detail about your work-related points.
cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling errors, such as 'avaiable' instead of 'available' and 'thesedays' which should be 'these days'.
task achievement
You clearly stated your request and provided reasons for your desire to reduce working hours, which reflects a good understanding of task achievement.
task achievement
Your writing expresses a polite tone throughout, which is appropriate for a letter to a boss.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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