IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Today more and more people are overweight than before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this. What are main affects of this epidemic.

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These days, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 face problems of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
 than before. So, there are some reasons that make individuals
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
overweight, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss
this
Linking Words
 point and give my own opinion.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, now they eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, they have
eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 from coffee and
restraunat
Correct your spelling
restaurants
.
However
Linking Words
, they eat before they go
sleep
Change preposition
to sleep
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will support
overweight to
Correct your spelling
their weight
show examples
 increase.
Also
Linking Words
, they don't do exercises, that help them to keep their weight.
As well as
Linking Words
, they are having
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will cause diseases for them,
such
Linking Words
 as heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
, and that will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 and
teengers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the past,
people
Use synonyms
 ate
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, fruits and
vegtables
Correct your spelling
vegetables
, and they drank more water and they drank milk in the morning.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they
are walking
Wrong verb form
walk
show examples
 every day, they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a high
active
Replace the word
activity
show examples
, because they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
frish
Correct your spelling
fresh
food
Use synonyms
, they
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 their
food
Use synonyms
 by themselves.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
fit
Replace the word
fitness
show examples
 and their health. In
adddtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, they had
Correct article usage
a healty
show examples
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 life,
due to
Linking Words
 they
voide
Correct your spelling
cooked
 foods and drinks that had
sugers
Correct your spelling
sugar
 and oils. In conclusion, in my
opininon
Correct your spelling
opinion
, now
people
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 overweight,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they don't do sports , that
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 them
to lose
Change preposition
in losing
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
weight, and they
are eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
cafe
Add an article
a cafe
the cafe
show examples
 in the evening, that will cause
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 weight and problems
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 health.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but try to make it more engaging by including a clear thesis statement. Additionally, consider rephrasing 'a lot of people face problems of overweight' to 'many people are struggling with obesity.'
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, aim to use clearer transitions to guide the reader through your ideas (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' etc.). You could also break up long sentences to improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'restraunat' should be 'restaurant'; 'suger' should be 'sugar'). These inaccuracies can distract the reader from your ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to support your points. For instance, mention the rising statistics in obesity rates or specific diseases associated with obesity.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization is essential for overall clarity.
task achievement
You attempt to contrast past and present eating habits, which helps to convey the change in lifestyle effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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