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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their education as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solution could you suggest?

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Learning
while
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 you earn has been a popular concept for many years
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
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 in Western countries.
This
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work
Use synonyms
 style generally leads to less study
time
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 which could burden the students with stress, anxiety and isolation.
This
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 essay will examine these causes in detail and provide suggestions to overcome them. One major cause of working
while
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 studying is the increase in the stress levels.These pressures could be in the form of financial, emotional and physical. To meet the high cost of education and compete in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fast-paced society, it becomes obligatory for a teenager to make money from
this
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 tender age. In
this
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 race, he gets drained out physically as sleep patterns could be disturbed,
diet
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his diet
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 gets affected and even
exercise
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his exercise
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 routine gets compromised.
This
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 often leads to frustration and anxiety , making the person emotionally unstable. A recent study by
University
Correct article usage
the University
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 of
Wateeloo
Correct your spelling
Waterloo
 revealed that 5%
students
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of students
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 commit suicide each year as they are unable to maintain a
work
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-life balance. Another leading cause
to
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of
show examples
this
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 simultaneous study
while
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 working mode is the lack of social interactions.
Due to
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 paucity of
time
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, adolescents struggle to spend
time
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 with their friends and family members. The lack of expressing their feelings and sharing their emotions
,
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apply
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 makes them isolated and they experience the pain all by themselves. To counter these issues, it is necessary that
work
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 hours should be monitored strictly. More focus on education should be given priority.
For instance
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, in Canada, students can
work
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 only 24 hours a week
while
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 pursuing their studies.
This
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 gives them enough
time
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 to manage their social,
work
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 and student life. In conclusion, acquiring knowledge and gaining relevant experience is
important
Add an article
an important
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 part of education but not at the cost of health.
Thus
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, a balanced approach is the best solution.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing additional examples or evidence to support your main points, which can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to include transition words or phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly, improving the flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence.
Task Achievement
You’ve identified relevant causes of stress related to working and studying, and suggested a practical solution that is supported by an example from Canada, which strengthens your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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