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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie chart shows the number of people who were using different languages online. The table shows the average number of people online each year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the number of people who were using different languages online. The table shows the average number of people online each year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 different languages When they communicate online. The languages
including
Replace the word
include
show examples
 English, Japanese, Chinese, German, Spanish, Korean, Italian, French, Portuguese, Dutch and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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. The time period between 1997
until
Correct word choice
and
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 2001.
Started
Wrong verb form
Starting
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 in 1997 approximately 76 million
people
Use synonyms
 were using
language
Use synonyms
 online and that was 1.8 percent of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in the world. With various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
languages in the world,
within
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the main
Use synonyms
language
Add a comma
language,
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 English
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used
a
Change preposition
by a
show examples
lot of
people
Use synonyms
 online followed by Japanese, Chinese and German.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 using
language
Use synonyms
 to make communication online increased each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
. In
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 2000's the number of
people
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
using
language
Use synonyms
 online reached 368 million and that
count
Correct subject-verb agreement
counts
show examples
6
Change preposition
as 6
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the population in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world. One year later, 513 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 using different
languanges
Correct your spelling
languages
, it increased dramatically
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to previous years. The percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 significantly increased
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 using different
languange
Correct your spelling
language
languages
 online to 8,4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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