IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Billions of dollars are being wasted each year in space research . The money could be better used to improve conditions on eart. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

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It is widely known that billions of dollars are being allocated
in
Change preposition
to
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space
Use synonyms
 exploration every year.
Whereas
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 those amount of money may be wiser distributed in order to enhance livelihood on
globe
Add an article
the globe
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. I completely agree with that statement as nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of the
world
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world's
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populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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 are suffering from poverty.
Consequently
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,
in
Change preposition
over
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 a long period of time,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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good economic conditions can support
people
Use synonyms
 to participate in
such
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 ambitions. A large number of
people
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 in the world have suffered from poor quality of life for several years.
This
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 phenomenon can be tackled both by the national and international authorities.
Furthermore
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, the basic needs that most of these
people
Use synonyms
 can not
fulfilled
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fulfil
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 are caused by
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of source of income.
For instance
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, the international government should focus on the employment side which
affect
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affects
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 bigger populations rather than the ambition of small groups of
people
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.
Thus
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, most of the money that
previously
Add a missing verb
was previously
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 used for
space
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 investigation can be impactful for vulnerable group conditions.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 will be able to conduct their own research and exploration of
space
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 in the future. It is popular that
people
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 can not focus on many
things
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 if they are unable to live better at first.
Moreover
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, if the government puts their focus on community well-being, the
populations
Change to a genitive case
population's
populations'
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 development might be a good foundation in order to achieve some great
things
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 together.
For example
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, poor
people
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 with high intellectual potential should
be received
Wrong verb form
receive
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 constant help
by
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from
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 the government.
Hence
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,
space
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 exploration is just one of the
things
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 that
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
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community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 can accomplish in the future.
To sum up
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, improving community livelihood should be the main priority of the international powers.
In addition
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, folk that live in great
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 can accomplish many
things
Use synonyms
, including
space
Use synonyms
 investigation.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, but try to improve the clarity of your argument by making it more specific about why space exploration should be deprioritized. Consider rephrasing to make it more engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is understandable, but the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try using clearer connecting phrases to enhance the flow of your argument.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific programs or initiatives that could benefit from the reallocated funds.
Task Achievement
You express a clear opinion on the topic, which is a good start for task achievement.
Task Achievement
Your essay contains relevant points regarding the relationship between economic conditions and the ability to explore space, showcasing your understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is important for organizing your thoughts.
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