IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schoolto prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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,
according to
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 me it's very imperative to learn about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial
management
Use synonyms
. Education for the financials should be compulsory
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 in schools so that they can learn how to improve their money
management
Use synonyms
 . I completely agree with
this
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 statement and will discuss my point for the agreement in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, financial
management
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give
Change the verb form
gives
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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help to students to learn about how to handle their
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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. They get
the
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apply
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better knowledge
to know
Verb problem
apply
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about incomes and expenses. If
this
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 practice
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 given in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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secondary schools, they will be able to learn how much they should spend so that there will be no debt on them as financial
management
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give
Change the verb form
gives
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 them the manner to utilise their funds properly.
For example
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,
as
Correct word choice
apply
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they get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pocket money from their parents in teenage financial
management
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,
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 them the knowledge to spend their pocket money. In
wiser
Add an article
a wiser
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 way so that they will not be less with the funds
at the end
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 of the month.
More
Rephrase
Moreover
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 over organization of finances
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a vital role in everybody's life so if
this
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 knowledge
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 given in the early hood of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young age,
this
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 will help
the
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apply
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society
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
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 they will not go
for
Change preposition
into
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debts
Fix the agreement mistake
debt
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. They will manage their funds. Learning financial
management
Use synonyms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 them the help to know about budgeting.
To conclude
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according to
Linking Words
 Me financial
management
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 is very important for a student and
as well as
Linking Words
 for a community there will be no more debts if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial
management
Use synonyms
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 given as a subject in the school

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introduction
Your introduction is a bit vague; try to clearly state your position while also including an overview of the points you will discuss.
coherence
Make sure to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve logical flow; this helps guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
conclusion
Ensure your conclusions summarize the key points more effectively, reiterating the importance of financial education in a more impactful way.
examples
Try to expand on your examples and support them with more detailed explanations. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clarity.
grammar
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings; consider proofreading to minimize these mistakes for better clarity and professionalism.
content
You effectively convey the importance of financial education, which is a relevant and appealing topic.
engagement
Your passion for the subject is evident, which can engage the reader and strengthen your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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