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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the number of three types of visitor to a museum between 1997 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of three types of visitor to a museum between 1997 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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the bar chart provides key information about different categories of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in museums between 1997
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2012. the units are measured in percentage .
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the
Use synonyms
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 1997
coming
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
museum
Add an article
the museum
a museum
show examples
 with
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 percentage
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than any
age
Correct word choice
other age
show examples
 .
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
Achieve
Verb problem
Reached
show examples
 the highest percentage in 2007 ,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2012 the
Use synonyms
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decreases
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 after
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the
Use synonyms
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2007
taking
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 higher
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 about 400.500 per cent. in 2012
Decreases
Wrong verb form
Decreased
show examples
 to 380,000 but it
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 higher
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 other
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
However
show examples
however
Linking Words
 in other
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 like
visitors
Use synonyms
 under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
15 and the special
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
 between 1997 and 2002 still
the
Add a missing verb
had the
show examples
 same result but the
visitors
Use synonyms
 under 15
Add a missing verb
were more
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
visiting 300.100 in 2002 302.200 and for
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
 exhibition in 1997 having 28.000 but in 2002 A little extra 290.200 . In terms of the
Use synonyms
adults
Fix the agreement mistake
number of adult
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 growing every year with
With
Change preposition
apply
show examples
steady steps more
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 ages
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
witnessed their decline after years.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, adults with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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